Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Knock Knock....You're Fired
I originally ignored the ding-dong, bang-bang. But hell, I was already awake now, so I went downstairs (you never know when Publisher's Clearing House will show up with a 6 X3 foot check for $20 million, a bouquet of Carnations and a bottle of Frexinet) I opened the door and although UNCOUTH mailman had zipped off - he left behind the ever-so-dreadful "Certified Mail" card. Typically, unless you are claiming your inheritance from that Nigerian Prince that you met via e-mail, the "certified mail" card is usually something bad. While ordinarily I would have just slammed the door, wiped the spittle from my mouth and headed back to napland - I instead decided to chase down uncouth mailman as he sped down the street at a whopping 8 miles an hour. I'm pretty sure he put the pedal to the metal when he saw me running after him in my hot pink drawstring waffle pants and over sized gansta-tee that said "Stanford" on it. The crazy-lady bed head and drool might have freaked him out a bit too. Nevertheless I chased that Mutha down and asked if I could retrieve the letter. As I stood there, half-a-block away from my house looking homeless - he handed me a thick letter and I could see from the return address that it was from "Human Resources" at my job.
I walked back to my house not unlike Charlie Brown after the kids have just kicked him off the school play - with my head down and read how I was being "laid off" effective June 30th. On the bright side - I have three months left - and my job loss isn't going to take any food of of the table (maybe just a nice Coach bag once every so often - and I'll probably have to switch back to L'Oreal makeup). In a world where so many are being laid off and losing their homes, I'm pretty damn lucky.
By the way, my husband got the mail last night and the Human Resources sent me the same exact package via regular mail. OK cuties - I get it - I'm "Laid Off". Maybe if you didn't spend so much on postage you might be able to keep some employees around.
PS - when I told my son I got laid off he asked me, "Did they send George Clooney to do it?" (Up In the Air reference). No, god dammit - they didn't even send Clooney.
Posted by Val and Parker at 6:04 PM