NY, U2 and Drinking on Planes

I truly hate to fly, it scares the shit out of me and being cramped in a seat for hours with little opportunity to pee is not my idea of fun. Inevitably there is a family near us who lugs bags of McDonalds on the plane creating a greasy stink-fest for all. Even D.W. refuses to pay the upcharge for first class, besides if the plane is going down what good does first class do anyway? If it crashes head on, first class is the first to go. I have a vivid imagination of different ways the plane could crash including it breaking in half over the ocean and the back half of the plane still flying for awhile- which is where DW and I and would be sitting (insert DW asking me for a quick blow job). This scenario (not the bj part) may defy physics but I'm convinced it could really happen.
We happened to be headed to NY from Dallas a few weeks ago on the day a very bad storm was hitting Dallas. I was already sweating watching the weather the night before. I literally had my hands over my eyes as the plane shook with turbulance. Once the bumps and drops stopped, I ordered a beer. It was 10 in the morning and I never drink on planes (too dehydrating to the skin) however in this case I would have literally tackled the beverage cart at that point for a beer. Our connecting flight in Detroit was leaving from gate 51 15 minutes after we landed at gate 3. DW and I huffed and like Rosanne and John Goodman trying to OJ our asses to gate 51. DW said he had to pee to which I turned to him and like one of those bitchy girlfriends on the Amazing Race and told him "No way. Hold it cutie!"

 

Once at our gate and covered with flop sweat our flight was luckily delayed. Dw and I both ordered a stiff drink as soon as possible on the connector to NY.We stayed with our very good friends Jade and Evan and their adorable kiddos, and had a blast walking around the city and just hanging. At the airport leaving for home we had the celeb sighting of Paula Deen and her father-time hubby. I so wanted to tell her that her Taco Soup Recipe rocks however her slow cooker mac cheese that I wasted 30 dollars of cheese on: not so much. She was incognito with glasses and a hat so I gave her a break. Also ever since Jack black was such a dick I'm gun shy on the "approaching celebs" thing.

 

The following Monday DW and I went to the U2 concert at the new cowboy stadium, subtly named "Jerrys World"(after the poverty-stricken owner Jerry Jones). The show was amazing. It also brought back great memories of Val and I going to their every show in Arizona as teenagers.  Val and I were typically too hungover to get up early to get good seats (were teenagers before the Internet and online ticket buying!). One time we actually got up at 6 am and drove 30 miles (hungover of course) to a tickteting location. When no one was in the parking lot, we literally thought we were first in line (ala the Griswalds slo-mo arrival to Wally World in "National Lampoon's Vacation") only to discover that we went to we the wrong location. As a result we were usually row 93z.  But we were there and that's all that really mattered

Today, as I lay on the couch watching TV completely exhausted from my whirlwind NY/U2 week, Im wondering these things:

• What does Bono's house look like?
• Why are they still airing Billy mays commercials when he's dead?
• Why does everyone cry hysterically on the biggest loser .. Food deprivation?
• Does anyone else think Marie Osmond is doing blow? Seriously she is way thinner than me and has the hollywood lollipop head. Have a hoagie Marie. 

I am now a believer of having a cocktail on any flight, dry skin or not. That's what La Mer is for.

-Parker

Indiana Jane and the Crystalized Concert Tickets

In honor of today's release of the new new Indiana Jones movie (which originated in the 80's, I might add) here are some concert ticket stubs from days o' yore.

When I look at these concert tickets, I feel:

1. Nostalgic            
2. Glad that I was able to experience some of the great 80's bands of all times (you won't find any "Flock of Seagulls" or "Warrant" stubs in my stash).
3. Old as shit.

Holy Hell, look at the dates on those tickets. Not to mention the U2 ticket looks more like a scroll uncovered from the Byzantine era than a 20-year old concert ticket. Notice the price tag - $15.50 to see U2? Are you kidding me? Granted this particular ticket says "Limited View" which is code for "Bring a breathing apparatus, tissue for the high-altitude bloody nose and a flag for when you reach the summit." This particular U2 Ticket (ancient scroll) was for the opening night of the Joshua Tree Tour.  Sadly, during the archaeological dig (in my closet), Indiana Jane (me) could not track down the Creme De la Creme of all ticket stubs: the coveted U2 "Rattle and Hum" ticket.

In 1987, U2 made a documentary-like film called "Rattle and Hum," which was a compilation of some of their major concerts during that year and arguably one of the best concert films of all times. Parker and I were there in all our 1980's glory. At a special price of $5  per ticket (Bono was charitable even back then), even we could fork out some of our mad  (pot) money for this opportunity. Despite waking up at the crack of dawn to be first in line for tickets, with Bartles & James Cooler Hangovers and wine-puke  in my hair (this happened often back in the day), we still managed to score the dreaded "High Altitude" tickets, as there were about 4000 other die-hards ahead of us at the box office. No worries, we were  young, could still climb Everest-like flights of stairs and our eyesight was still good. We were also convinced that the camera man would somehow see our beauty in row 903, film us (up close in all our blue eye-shadowed glory) and we would become the breakaway stars of this film.

We remember the concert like it was yesterday. The excitement of being a part of history (not really, but we were dreamers). The hot dogs we downed (extra relish please) at the concession stand right before Bono took stage and belted out "Bullet the Blue Sky." The chaffed thumb from holding the Bic lighter on HIGH during the entire rendition of "Pride: In the Name of Love." The helicopter hovering above us to get a wide angle shot of the entire audience (all the while thinking, "Yes helicopter-camera man, I am winking at you"). 

I recently showed my kids the Rattle and Hum DVD and during the helicopter shot crowd scene, I quickly pointed to where we were sitting  (sadly our close up must have ended up on the cutting room floor). Amazingly, they were not impressed. The next day, my son asked me if I would buy him tickets for the My Chemical Romance concert (his first concert). At $62 bucks a pop (one for him and  one for dear old chaperone dad) I was apprehensive. Longing for the days of the $15.50 concert, I caved in and bought the tickets anyhow. 

By the way, a few years ago Parker scored some U2 Tickets for us at approximately $160 each. At the last minute I was unable to go and she sold them on EBay for almost twice their face value (hot dog and bic lighter NOT included).

-VAL