Lost Boy Indeed....RIP Cory Haim

So I awoke this morning and I must have had a "One of the Corey's is Dead" vibe because I immediately picked up the computer (I usually wait till I've had my first Pepsi or arrive at work before surfing the net) to find that Corey Haim will never be renewing his "The Two Corey's" contract, because alas he is dead. Authorities suspect drugs were involved. You don't say? Also, I love this picture because you know he probably just shot up a shitload of heroin with Judd Nelson right before it was taken

Obviously the first thing I did was run like a bat out of hell to get my Blackberry and text Parker. For those of you who don't know, we have an ongoing competition to out-scoop each other on celebrity deaths. I totally nailed her with Brittany Murphy, but unfortunately she scooped me by a whopping 5 minutes with the Corey Haim death. In all fairness she is 2 hours ahead in Dallas, so I deserve some kind of handicap for the time difference, and if anything, we should call this one a draw. Yet another reason why we are going to hell.

Now back to Corey and his staggering genius of work: Of course he will always be remembered for Lost Boys, which was the "Twilight" of my generation. But I'm more partial to his lighthearted role in "License to Drive", which also starred a young Heather Graham. Crap, I watched that movie probably 6 times on cable over the years, so maybe his death is Karma for the 12 hours of life he took away from me. Ok, I may have gone a bit too far with that last sentence - OD's are never really funny.

Of course we all know what the "Death of Corey #1" (or is he #2?) means: The other Corey (the one who always had greasy long hair, no upper lip and dressed like Michael Jackson for a good 7 years during the late 80's and 90's) is going to come out of the woodwork and work this publicity harder than Heidi and Spencer. I expect to see him on "The Insider" panel tonight (in Micheal Jackson leather garb and one sparkly glove) with a crocodile tear and harrowing stories of his days with Haim and how "He Tried to Save Him." Ironically, "How He Tried to Save Him" will also be the headline on the next "In Touch", "People" and "US" magazine with a pic of the two in their Lost Boys garb. Obviously, I'll totally scoop up those rag magazines and maybe shed a tear or two for losing another 1980's memory.

Oscar Fallout. Where the Hell Was Farrah (and Leah Thompson)?

We have to admit that by some strange twist of fate, the Live Oscar blog got us more clicks on our site then ever before. Maybe there is something to doing an off-the-cuff live blog. One thing you won't catch us "live blogging" is tonight's episode of "The Bachelor: Jason and Molly Get Married." I'd find more enjoyment watching two Jim Henson mute finger puppets walking down the aisle then this hot mess.

Now back to the Oscars. I missed a few things last night (I blame glass of wine #3), but most importantly was the absence of Farrah Fawcett during the We're Dead! montage. The Oscar producers didn't think twice about throwing up a picture of a 100 year old man who designed costumes on "Tootsie", but to leave Farrah out is simply unconscionable. Hell, they gave John Hughes a 10 minute brat-pack memorial (although noticeably absent was Leah Thompson who's shift at Waffle House didn't end until 11:00). Many will argue that Farrah was mostly a television actress and had no business being honored, but those people have obviously never seen Farrah's most riveting work in the 1976 classic "Logans Run".

I watched that movie a zillion times on HBO back in the day. When you're 7-years-old, a movie about killing people once they reach the age of 30 totally makes sense. If I could do a remake of "Logan's Run" today (and let's face it, someone is going to do it), I'd stick with the same plot but instead of people over the age of 30 being killed, I'd substitute them for any person to ever appear on a VH1 reality show (and all of the Bachelors).

For those of you young ones who have never seen Logan's Run - or those who weren't latch-key kids wthat came home from elementary school and watched HBO from 3:00 - 7:30 every night, here is a clip of Farrah at her finest: RIP Farrah.

PS: And those of you who can't get enough of 1970's cheesy flicks, please check out this memoir of Parker's experience as a child actor on the set of the disaster blockbuster "The Swarm" (starring Micheal Caine and Katherine Ross).

Click here to read!

Live Oscar Blogging (Sort of)

My first thought as the celebs arrive is that James Cameron's wife Suzy Amis (the one he dumped Linda Hamilton for) is severely anorexic. I therefore scream at the television "Eat a sandwich Suzy" as if she will hear me 60 miles away. Seriously, I'm not sure how old she is but her lack of nutrition has made her look 65 if she's a day.

Loving Alec and Steve and their sarcastic banter. Also the stage looks beautiful and classy. Ok now more sarcasm.

I am praying that someone will trip over their pink sparkly trains and bite it onstage.

The tribute to John Hughes made me cry (the 3rd glass of wine is not helping). My kids are looking at me and wondering why watching Ferris Bueller pay tribute to a dead director is making me teary eyed but as someone who would love to write a movie someday, they just don't get it. Holy Jesus Ally Sheedy got old and Judd Nelson clearly is living in a crack den off the I-5 is in south Los Angeles. Anthony Michael Hall clearly found a steroid dealer and Duckie is still an uber-nerd

Does Ben Stiller always pick the short straw when it comes to presenting in ridiculous costumes? Hey Ben, there's this thing called "pride" - you should look it up sometime.

Are Rachel McAdams and Elizabeth Banks the same people? I'm pretty sure they are. Jake Gyllenhall is rumored to be super-gay, which makes me sad because his puppy dog eyes aren't gay at all.

Taylor Hackford (husband of Helen Mirren) director extraordinaire once told me that if I moved to New york he'd put me in movie. I chose instead to waitress at a seafood restaurant in an upscale resort, because the cash is soooo much better.

When is Penelope Cruz going to learn some god damned English??

I would kill a homeless person in exchange for Meryl Streep's understated amazing square pave diamond earrings. Shit, I might even kill Meryl herself for those earrings.

Monique just won (once again does this mean she will no longer host "Charm Academy"?). If she can wear a white gardenia in her hair, I hope she can take the next step and shave her cankle legs.

Best Dressed? Nicole Richie, Cameron Diaz and Carrie Mulligan. I love Sarah Jessica Parker, but not a fan of her vintage Chanel or her 4 loaves of bread attached to her tiny Botox head. Speaking of Botox, where the hell is Nicole Kidman and Renee "I just sucked a lemon face" Zellwiger?

Crying men have no business onstage - I'm talking to you "almost lost my life" Avatar "Art Direction" dude.

When are they going to get to the dead people montage? I need another good cry..

Charlize Theron may be the most beautiful women on the planet, but that's no excuse for the rose-bud booby dress she's wearing. I don't care if Gianni Versace stepped down from heaven to make it for her, it's just not right.

Just got a comment from Sara Smile (thank you) and a new reader "Bruce". Not sure it it's Bruce Jenner (stepfather of the Kardashians) but either way always excited to have a new reader!!!

The "In Memoriam" always gets me. Just show me an old writer or a young cute actress who died of a prescription overdose and I am a babbling idiot. Watching adorable Brittany Murphy on the screen of death will def. make me think twice next time I reach for my migraine medicine or my barbarities.

Oscars are in the midst of the music awards which while important, are always a good excuse for the following: going to the bathroom; refilling my glass of Pinot Noir, making Pillsbury bake and eat sugar cookies.

Oh great, Gerad Butler and Bradley Cooper. Why don't they just say the "Herpes twins"?

I wish Kathleen Bigalow would plant an IED under James Cameron's seat (with a timer set to 2 minutes). I'm sure a bunch of money would explode and the house would go crazy.

Jason Bateman is onstage. I have to admit the 1980's sitcom "Its Your Move" was GENIUS. He'll never live up to that kind of comedy...

So happy "The Cove" won!! Nothing says Oscar like saving Dolphins from killers. Also Fisher Stevens was robbed for his work in "Short Circuit" so tonight he get's his due. Sadly, Parker and I both emailed each other about Fisher Stevens and his relationship with Michelle Pfieifer 25 years ago. We need a life.

Is it Keanu Reeves or Stephen Hawking? Seriously Keanu needs to stay at home and smoke his bong in lieu of announcing "best movie" nominees. Hurt Locker should win (just so I can yell "SUCK IT CAMERON" to my 50 inch Pioneer Plasma TV). But can't they get someone with brains like Zach Efron or one of the Bachelors to announce "The Hurt Locker"?

Quentin Taranto just smoked a bowl of crack of in the green room with Keanu Reeves or maybe Talyor Lautner. No other excuse for the amount of sweat pouring off his 10 foot chin.

Avatar Smavatar, I don't even want to see that movie. I would rather "The Crazies" take home best Oscar (see previous blog).

By the way my new Botox doesn't hold a candle to this super-powered Hollywood Botox that the stars get. I clearly need to head on up to Hollywood for a dose of the pure stuff because I still have a bit of a frown line and that shit just don't fly down here in the OC.

Michelle Pfeifer clearly lives in a Barometric chamber that delivers a nonstop stream of pure Oxygen. Fisher Stevens and his Oscar are shitting in their pants right now. Jeff Bridges? He didn't get the memo about the Barometric chamber...

Morgan Freeman and his freckles are nominated. Saw Morgan at the Four Seasons Beverly Hills last year - damn I regret not putting down my martini and dry humping him on the spot - just for shits and giggles. Oh well, he's totally going to lose to Jeff "crinkle face" Bridges. He just won - total payback for not winning for "StarMan" in the early 1980's.

Everyone's makeup is melting - can we get this show on the road? Just give the Oscar to Sandra Bullock already and move on. MOVE ON, I say...OK how can't you love "Precious" and her 27 yards of satin fabric. She is soo excited to be there. Too bad she's going to lose to Sandra - it's all good however, because she'll totally be doing bongs with Woody Harrelson at the Spago party in about 25 minutes. And then totally munching on spicy Sushi immediately after.

Pre-Oscar Babble

I'm going to attempt to do a "live" Oscar post later, although I'm about to crack open a bottle of Pinot Grigio so no promises. Yesterday my son and I went to see "Shutter Island" and in an unfortunate twist of fate (long story) ended up seeing "The Crazies." I have to admit that despite my guilty pleasure of zombie movies and disaster flicks, it was painful handing $18 for two ppl and saying out loud, "two for 'The Crazies'". Even more painful: the $21 for popcorn, nachos and 2 cokes. Needless to say it was another predictable slasher movie and it took every ounce of will power for me not to yell out: "That IS Crazy!!!" every time someone got impaled with a bloody pitchfork. Call me Crazy, but this film probably won't be up for any Oscars come next year at this time.

Speaking of Oscars, I haven't seen most of the films nominated for the Best Movie Oscar (not even Avatar) so I bucked down and reluctantly watched "The Hurt Locker" today. It really was a edge of your seat kind of movie and no one can resist a renegade, adrenaline-addicted soldier with a heart of gold. Without giving too much away, the movie ended with the soldier realizing that coming home to his wife and son is a let down and he signs up for another tour of duty. The movie ended with room for a sequel, which I think should be titled: "Hurt Locker 2: Electric Boogaloo."

As far as "best movie" goes, I'm personally am rooting for anything other than Avatar. Only because James Cameron seems like a world class A-hole, with more money than God.

I'll Have What She's Having....

I'm only 40 and don't even have 1/4 of the energy of this gal. She is my new hero. I'd like to think that 39 years into the future, Parker and I will be Granny DJ's at some space station bar orbiting Mars (It will probably be named something corny like "Out of this World" or the "Mars Bar"). Needless to say, we would totally ditch the green satin jacket and blu blockers (although her earrings are quite fetching). Also, like DJ Granny, you might catch a few forehead wrinkles on me by the time I'm 79 (although I did just cave in and do the Botox thing because my husband told me I frown even when I'm sleeping.) Parker on the other hand will still have major Nicole Kidman forehead until the day she dies and long into the afterlife. We may also have to adapt English accents because that really elevates her coolness to a whole new level....