Elegance is Luhnnned.....(and my ear drums are burned)

I haven't had time to blog much lately, which begs the question: When did I get so busy? I used to have nothing but time on my hands but lately it seems like I am always on the go (I sound like I should be in a maxi-pad commercial when I say that). Another reason however, might be attributed to the fact that as Parker and I get older, we've both noticed that we have less time and patience for celebrity gossip, pop culture and reality television. Try as I might, American Idol, America's Next Top Model, Amazing Race, Project Runway and the Real Housewives of anywhere just don't give me the thrill that they once used to. (Similar to a junkie who is always looking for that first-time-high).


This changed for a brief 50 minutes today when I caught up on last night's "Real Housewives of New York." We both agree that last night's episode was the BEST episode of any Housewives episode in all of Housewives history. Even Parker's hubby, Daddy Warbucks put down his Kindle to follow the action.


With each passing moment, just when I thought it couldn't get any worse (i.e BETTER), another scene would blow me away. Hard to pin down just what my favorite laughable moment was, but I've narrowed it down to these:


#1 - The Countess singing "Money Can't Buy you Class (Elegance is Learned)". First of all, the song should be called "Money Can't Buy you a Voice". One thing money can buy? An hour in the studio with a coked-out producer kissing your ass and telling you that you are a superstar and comparing you to Madonna and Fergie. Hell, even when they dubbed her voice with a Casio keyboard on the "Robot Disco" setting, she still sounded like someone was pulling out her toenails.


#2 - The entire yacht party was also golden. First of all, news flash Ramona: stop acting like you are footing the bill for your pack of cougars to sail the Virgin Islands with a constant Pinot Grigio drip, when we all know that BRAVO footed the bill. And it was worth every penny Bravo, cause those bitches are entertaining! Kelly really impressed me with her witty comebacks like trying to cut the gossiping by declaring that they are all "Making lemons into lemonade" and then storming off only to get  stumped by that trick electronic sliding yacht door. She makes the other housewives look like female Stephen Hawkings.


#3 -Ramona guzzling a gallon of Pinot Grigio and hopping over to the Hooter's yacht. Watching this makes me realize that there is nothing more pathetic than a wined-up 50 year old. Note to self- next time I'm out on the town, keep my wine consumption down to to a minimum. I also loved watching wasted Ramona dance at that Turtle bar in a sea of laser beams. God I hope when she watched that back she drowned in a sea of humiliation.


#4 -The coup de gras, however might be the Countess' new uber-creepy boyfriend. Seriously, if I saw him across the room at a party, my inner-voice would tell me to run (not walk) to the nearest exit and then continue to run for at least 6 miles. He is a cross between Dudley Moore (in the 70's) and a director of Porn Films. I'm pretty sure he had just taken a boatload of ecstasy too.


You gotta give credit to Bethenny who had some pretty good one-liners. And I can't neglect to mention Alex's amazing jean shorts, with matching jean vest - the perfect attire for boarding a yacht in the Carribean. It says "Sure I'm elegant, but I also like to party. Where's the beer bong?" Who says Elegance Is Learned? 


For those of you who missed it, here's an incredible clip which shows "Highlights" (i.e. Lowlights) of the show: