Random Thoughts

CNN, MSNBC, et al. must cease ALL Michael Jackson news immediately. I'm talking to you Larry King! His doctor gave him too many drugs, Michael never woke up. Case closed. Although I am considering getting this classy tattoo on my back:

Madonna needs to stop the Pilates/organic madness. Holy shit. She looks like one of those drawing of the muscular systems you'd find in an Anatomy book. She also needs to stop dating that man-boy named 'Jesus'. It's just nasty.

ABC needs to stop filming the Bachelor/Bachelorette series. My god can't someone come up with a fresh idea? Personally I think they should bring back "The Dating Game" (with the goodness of Bob Eubanks) and take it a step further by actually filming the "Date", which by the way was usually a trip somewhere not-so-exotic like a Dude Ranch - but it was always an overnighter!

And while I'm on the subject, let's do updated version of "Love Connection." I spent so many late drunken college nights watching this show. Click on the show's intro below and you'll see why it is and always will be "television gold". Besides, who could resist a show where "Old fashioned romance meets Modern-Day technology" (and by "modern day" I'm guessing they are talking about the THREE televisions on set playing VHS tapes of dudes with mullets and Miami Vice jackets). Make sure to watch the entire clip - you don't want to miss the "Former Playboy Model who likes camping and Swap Meets." I sure hope she found her love connection!

Love Connection Introduction
by PatJK910

By the way, does anyone know if Chuck "We'll be back in 2 & 2" Woolery died? I think I remember hearing that a few years back, but am too lazy to Google it.

-Val

An Open Letter to Madonna

Dear Madonna:

What happened? I used to worship you in 1983 back when you were a free spirit with dark roots and ripped fishnets. I even wore rags in my hair and those low lace-up black boots that you made so popular.  "Borderline" was my teenage angst theme song and I had fantasies of running away to New York where we would become best friends and live in your cool Manhattan loft and shop at Vintage stores together wearing black leggings and Acid washed denim jackets with our bed-head hair.

Then came the 90s and you changed for the worse. You developed that ridiculous English Accent and began wearing cone-bras and leather. Somewhere along the line you just turned into condescending, snarky, snob with an attitude and a bug up your arse. Whenever I see you on the telly (that's English for television) it's like there is a subliminal "BITCH" message flashing before my eyes. Your soon to be ex-husband always looked like he was going for a  colonospcy when you were together. It is clear he was miserable.

FYI - you are a singer, not a philosopher, so lighten up. It wouldn't kill you to stop rolling your eyes at everyone and crack a smile once in a while. Put down that yoga mat and macrobiotic shake and chill the f- out with a beer once and a while. Maybe even put on a lace top and rubber bracelet for old times sake.

Yours Truly, -Val

Email of the day: Nicole Kidman's Baby, Madonna's Brother and the Humdrum Bachelorette

To: Paker@Don'tEmailMeAtWork.com

From: Val@whatever,I'mBusy.com

Re: Pop Culture Crapola

Nicole Kidman gave birth to a (wrinkle free?) baby girl on Sunday who she named "Sunday Rose". Sunday Rose? Really? When I hear "Sunday Rose" I immediately picture a feminine hygiene product (more specifically it sounds like the brand name of a douche). Don't get me wrong - the name "Sunday" is quite nice and "Rose" all alone is pretty but put them together and it all goes south. 

Last night the Bachelorette ended (insert cricket chirping noise here). I don't think anyone cared, including myself  - I only watched the last ten minutes. Deanna (who you'd think was Angelina Joile the way the men on the show salivated over her) chose Jesse the "Snowboarder Dude" (speaking of douches). Good for you Deanna, because nothing says "stability" like a Snowboarder. Between his lack of education, weekend trips to Sun Valley and all the pot smoking, I'm sure he'll make a wonderful husband.

Madonna's crazy brother Christopher Ciccone will be on Good Morning America next week (must TIVO) to promote his new book. I may have to hit the bottom of the barrel and actually buy this book. Of course I will have to order it online rather than be humiliated at Borders by standing in line holding "Life With My Sister Madonna".  Clever title by the way. Sounds like Christopher spent a long agonizing night trying to come up with something original. If I was the greedy, publicity-hungry sibling of Madonna, I'd choose a name like "Material Bitch" or "Like a Virgin Bitch", "Lucky Star-Bitch" or "Who's That Girl?: The Story of my Bitchy Sister Madonna." But that's just me.

Val

P.S. - you know he is pissed at her - just look at that unflattering photo.