Baked Couch Potato

After the crazy weekend in Arizona, followed immediately by a house full of relatives visiting, I am enjoying my short weekend reprieve of drinking sugar free mocha cappuccinos and television watching. Here's the rundown (so far)...

Hoarders:

First of all, why did no one tell me that A& E has a new show called "Hoarders"? I have always had a secret fascination with hoarders, and while I don't usually watch Oprah, I try and never miss an Oprah episode about hoarders. Basically, throw a couple of cameras in front of a nutjob trapped in his/her own trash, Dollar Store purchases and newspapers from the past 20 years and I am hooked. Perhaps it's because I grew up with a mom who (while def. not a hoarder) never wanted to throw anything away. I have photographic evidence of this from when I recently visited her and found the 1970's "Cat and Owl" prints that used to hang on my psychedelic yellow floral wallpaper, now proudly hanging in her bathroom along with a medicine cabinet full of NeoSporin tubes from 1981. But I digress - although I missed the first episode of "Hoarders", rest assured it is now on my Tivo "series record".

Project Runway:

When Project Runway left Bravo for Lifetime, Bravo reacted by quickly producing a copy-cat show staring Isaac Mizrahi and the non-working girl from Destiny's Child called "The Fashion Show." Sadly, I wasted 12 precious hours of my life watching that crapfest, with sub par wannabe designers. Now, thank the lord, Project Runway is back with my gay-crush Tim Gunn, and the never-gets-fat-even-when-she's-pregnant Heidi Klum. After catching the first episode, I am already hopeless hooked. Certainly anyone who watched will agree that "Qystal" (which I think is "Crystal" with a "Q") doesn't have the chops to be there (and besides, if you are spelling Crystal with a "Q" you should automatically be eliminated for stupidity). Also, Lindsay Lohan took time away from her line-snorting and lesbian experimentation to a judge and only furthered what I already suspected: that she is a conceited bitch. Ironically the designer who went home looked exactly like Lindsay's on and off girlfriend Samantha Ronson.

Added bonus: This season, Project Runway has a spin off called "Models of the Runway." I accidentally came across this 30 minute gem (and after seeing 16 aneroxic girls living together in a downtown LA loft, immediately put down the cinnamon streusel cake I was munching on) and came to the conclusion that all the models of the runway need to go hang out at the "More to Love" house and eat a god damned pizza.

More tv roundups to come.....

Whatever Project Runway!

Every so often a reality person (or persons) come along that I really loathe. Enter Trista and Ryan and their undying "connection", love, and televised Pepto Bismo pink wedding for which they were paid handsomely. Moving on to Amber and Rob of "Survivor", "All Star Survivor", "Amazing Race" etc. etc... Whatever they could get their faces on they were there.

Next, Omarosa of "The Apprentice" who I hated so much I wanted to fly to NY and smash a Boston Creme Pie in her face in the middle of one of their challenges like a crazed PETA person.

The top of my list would be Heidi and Spencer. Last night they received press for doing charity work at a soup kitchen. Spencer doing charity and pretending to care about any one but himself is truly the epitome of a made-for-TV moment.

Right now I  am loathing Kenley from "Project Runway." She giggles at other contestants' misfortunes, fights and disrespects Tim Gunn (how can you possibly disrespect Tim Gunn?) and thinks everything she touches is gold. Her outfit from last night's show was the most shiteous outfit ever. It was supposed to be  hip hop but was anything but, and still she survives another day. Poor Suede, who I really grew to like in the first or third person, wrongfully was sent home. Of course I am already hooked on the show so I can only hope Kenley doesn't make it to the final three. I may have to fly to Bryant Par and trip her while she struts down the runway.

-Parker

Email of the Day: Project Runway does Ace Ventura Insane Ballerina Couture

To: Val@doinglaundry.com

From: Parker@Don'tEmailMeAtWork.com

Re: Project Runway

Val:

I am having one of those days where I am so busy and still sick, fatter than ever and just ordered a $15 piece of fish from the French Restaurant upstairs (plus $2 tip) that is just so-so. Also, everyone is so f*&king cheerful today, with my current attitude I should be wearing a t-shirt that says "Bite Me" (size XXL). I especially hate those friendly strangers in the elevator and really make a concerted effort to not ride in an elevator with anyone else. I'm nice. 

I have a  report due like an hour ago, but first things first:

Project Runway completely rocked last night. Loooved it - starting with Heidi's braid. It looked so cute on her, I may have to try it in my own hair however I am pretty sure I will end up looking demented and more like a homeless person than a chick doing pretty good for pushing 40. Such a great challenge watching the skinny models run around the fabric store like they were in a bakery and Tim Gunn had just told them that scientists had just discovered that chocolate eclairs aren't fattening. The brown fabric that the 3 models inexplicably picked was totally shiteous. I'm surebert, get some black jersey, black tulle and some sequins and be done with it. Also, thankkkkkkss for the peacock feathers.

Is it me or does Michael Kors get gayer and gayer each episode? He is slowly morphing into a 50 year old Long Island garden club housewife. I do love his comments however. Natalie  Portman could not have been any cuter, she looked like she weighed barely a buck and was so sweet - definitely the 'anti Brooke Hogan. 

The designer "Suede"(who annoyingly talks in 3rd person throughout) won the challenge with a dress that Heidi said she would have to be 20 years younger to wear. If  Heidi, who could not possibly look bad in anything, couldn't get away with wearing it,  than I can't help that think that in that dress I would look eerily like Jim Carey in Ace Ventura where he goes to the mental institution.

To: Parker@Don'tEmailMeAtWork.com

From:Val@doinglaundry.com

Re: Project Runway

I loved it too. Ellie and I literally sat in a catatonic state throughout the entire show. While I actually liked "Suede's" red and white criss-cross ballerina wear (which apparently is now available online at bluefly.com) on me it would look like a used chubby Tampax with a blonde wig. (That's hot). As for Heidi's braid. I'm pretty sure she had a cast of thousands working on her hair and makeup. If I tried to braid my hair like that, my arms would cramp after the first 10 seconds and I'm sure I'd end up looking like Vince Neil with a rats nest on his head.