Our Apology to Carson Daly and Why I Should Work for VH1

I rung in the New Year by switching back and forth between VH1's Marathon of "100 Most Shocking Moments in Rock", the Kathy Griffin/Anderson Cooper CNN New Years coverage and NBC's Carson Daly yawn-inducing NY Rockin' Eve. Naturally I have opinions about all:

With the help of no less than 3 diet Red Bull's I somehow sat thru the first three hours (i.e. numbers 100 - 20) of "Rock's Most Shocking Moments" on VH1. As a pop culture junkie I thought I'd remember more of these "shocking moments" but what shocked me most of all was that they put the "Death of Elvis" as only #28. Meanwhile some moron at VH1 coined the number 23 most shocking moment in Rock the time when rapper "Akon" was hit onstage by a flying pretzel. Because everyone remembers where they were the moment Akon was hit by a pretzel. They also put the Kanye-Taylor Swift moment well above the death of Elvis. Clearly the producer of this show is a 22 year old fresh out of Community College graduate with an Associate Degree in Black Studies and/or Volleyball. Tomorrow I am sending a resume to Vh1 because this shit is completely unacceptable. After the morons at Vh1 put the Akon pretzel scandal above the death of the King of Rock n' Roll, I was so disgusted that I had to turn the channel, which is when I caught the NBC Carson Daly debacle in Times Square.

To me Carson Daly will always be exciting as a package of saltine crackers, but regardless I still think we (mostly Parker) owe him an apology for something that happened five long years ago. (I only am now apologizing because tonight I told my kids the following story and they looked at me with disgust and said, "Oh my God mom, you and Parker are sooooo mean!") It was a party in Los Angeles at Spago (well documented by this blog) and Carson Daly was there, and had recently lost a ton of weight. I met him and as I politely shook his hand, Parker came up behind me - Apple Martini in hand - and said "Hey Carson, my friend thinks you are HOT." Such a mature statement for a 35 year old woman to say to a 29 year old man. In shock, I looked Carson straight into his emaciated, starving, baby blue eyes and replied "No I don't!" I think Carson might have been a little crushed, but before I could say anything else, Parker took a slug of her martini and continued with, "Geez Carson could you be any skinnier? Eat a sandwich fattie!" She then proceed to drag me away from Carson who was completely shocked (or maybe that was just the look of unadulterated hunger). Of course at the time I snickered and headed to the bar to order my own delicious gallon-sized martini, but in retrospect maybe we should have apologized. Then again, Carson probably got paid a gazillion dollars to host his New Year's not-so-rockin Eve party tonight, so screw the apology and for crying out loud Carson, eat a Whopper and a shake once and awhile.

This Day In History

Hard to believe, but it was 14 years ago today that the infamous OJ Bronco chase took place. I was newly married, childless and living in a small apartment in Scottsdale, Arizona. I sat enthralled during the entire chase, hypnotized by the onscreen action (or lack thereof). Would OJ shoot himself in the head? Would they crash into a Semi resulting in a bloody fireball? Would AJ Cowlings stop at a Burger King and order a Double Whopper with Cheese? Oh the possibilities. Sadly the car chase itself was mostly uneventful - but we were all sucked in by that white SUV cruising down the 405. 

Although it's embarrassing to admit, my addiction to celebrity drama goes way back to my childhood. I was only 13 when John Belushi died, yet I was obsessed with the details of his gritty death. When Princess Di passed, I was glued to CNN for days. During the Anna Nicole "baby-daddy" drama, my kids almost disowned me because of their sheer disgust with my nonstop entertainment television Anna-watch. When Anna dropped dead smack during the middle of the Daddy Dilemma, my curiosity reached critical mass. My house became Anna headquarters. Seriously, I could have been booked on Larry King chronicling the details of the last few months of her life for as much of an expert I had become.

If it were up to me E! True Hollywood Story and VH1 Behind the Music would run on a continuous loop on the "Scandal Channel". Sadly, this is not the case and even more sadly I need to get a life. Until the next car chase, drug overdose, wardrobe malfunction or illicit affair, which should be any day now.

VAL