Can someone tell me why Donald Trump is wearing more makeup than I did on any given Saturday night in the 80's? If only the "cover up" worked on his ego. Hey Donald, the Oompa Loompa's called - they want their burnt seinna pancake makeup back.
Speaking of Donald Trump, for the love of Christ can someone tell me why tonight's "Celebrity Apprentice" finale is THREE HOURS LONG? Is it "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" or "Celeb Apprentice"? Holy crap, "The Amazing Race" sends people to like 3 different countries in a single episode and somehow they manage to keep it an hour-long show.
Why is it that ABC's new summer show "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here", doesn't actually have a single real celebrity on it? When Heidi and Spencer are the biggest names on the marquee, you haven't got Diddly Caca. Maybe it should be called "I'm Not Really A Celebrity, just Go Ahead and Leave Me Here in the Jungle."
Can someone tell my why the salesgirl who sold me some shoes at Macy's today (aptly named "Gerda") thought it was completely fine to open-mouth chomp and snap her gum during the entire transaction? Seriously, Flo at Mel's Diner had more tact than Gerda.
Lastly, why do mother's always get the names of celebrities and bands wrong? The Saturday Night Live video below totally takes me back to my childhood - where "Culture Club" became "Country Club," and John Travolta was "John Revolta." Then there's the time my mom was snapping her fingers along to the "Glass Tiger" one-hit disaster 'Don't forget Me When I'm Gone'" when she turned around, looked at me and Parker and said, "I really like White Lion." Most recently I am reminded of the time I took her and my kids to the movies and we saw a preview for Jim Carey's next flick and she announced (i.e. screamed at ear-shattering decibels that was heard 3 theaters over) "Ohhhh, I love Rick Carey. He's a Genius!" -
Once again, here I am blogging in the bath about the things that are on my mind this week:
The economy: My doctor actually ordered me to stop watching CNN, because I get anxiety attacks every time the stock market plummets (which is just about every day), she also cut off my supply of Xanax (for the stock market meltdown attacks) so now, instead of watching the world turn into the depressing movie, "Cinderella Man" I am finding myself watching shit like "Celebrity Apprentice" or spending hours on Facebook looking for old Jr High classmates and writing "50 Random Things About Me." I've also started baking lately and have become obsessed with making the perfect banana cream pie. So I blame you economy for making me watch the Donald (who I've met and is as obnoxious as you'd think) and for the ever-growing banana cream fat ass. God, I miss the days when I was young and poor and had never heard the term 401k. OK, I take that back, at least I still have my (under appreciated) house and haven't (yet) had to purchase a Hyundai because they are the only car company offering no penalty to your credit if you lose your job and have to give it back. (That's always a reassuring tv ad - no panic here).
Celebrity Apprentice: I am one of the few people who actually sat through the uber-long 2 hour premiere (via my DVR) of Celebrity Apprentice. Looks like the ratings are down this year - might it be that people are sick of meglomaniac Donald tooting his own horn? Maybe we're just sick of psuedo-celebrities trying to peddle Carls Jr burgers and bottled water to passerbys on the streets of New York? This season they actually have one of the models from "Deal or No Deal" competing - because everyone knows that opening suitcases in golden glitter dresses helps to prepare you in the fast paced business world. Regardless, after last night's cupcake cook off, I'm hooked. Damnation.
Wii Fit: We got the Wii for Christmas but I quickly became disillusioned when I threw out a rotator cup in my right shoulder after an especially gruelling game of fake tennis (self-diagnosis, but I now can no longer scratch the middle of my back with my right hand). More recently, I had the bright idea to quit the gym that I never go to and invest in a Wii Fit. Because that's really working out for me. So far I've partaken in Yoga exactly 2 times and can someone please tell me how walking a virtual tight rope will help me get fit? When my poor husband (who has put on about 15 lbs recently) created his Wii character, it actually weighed him, measured his body fat and then we watched as his character's stomach morphed into the pregnant man. Not cool, Wii Fit, not cool.
