I Will NOT Look Like Mickey Rourke Anymore (and other New Years Resolutions)

I hit an all time low yesterday. After one of my famous Sunday naps, I woke up, eyes nearly puffed shut, hair bed-headed beyond belief, pillow creases embedded in my face, wearing my Target clearance red and gray horizontal stripe pajama pants (note to self: never buy horizontal striped anything again). My judgement was obviously clouded when I decided that would be a great time to go to the store - as is. There was a time when I wouldn't leave the house without a face full of makeup and at minimum a pair of designer jeans and cute tee shirt. Those days are long gone - until now.

As I shuffled through the frozen  food sections I caught a glimpse of myself in the glass freezer doors. "Holy Shit, is that Mickey Rourke  from 'The Wrestler'?" I wondered, until seconds later I realized it was just me, looking horrendous. "Never again", I mumbled as I made my way to the checkout, "Never again". 

In addition to NEVER going to the store looking like a disheveled ex wrestler with bad plastic surgery, I've made a list of other New Years Resolutions that I vow to try to stick with.

• Be nicer to people (unless I run into a cast member from "The Hills" in which case I vow to be a complete bitch.)
• Less naps, more exercise. 
• Stop watching those ridiculous reality shows like "Real Housewives", "The Real World", "Sweet Sixteen" and "The Bachelor". Oh who am I kidding - of course I'll still watch that crap. But I promise not to enjoy it.
• Stop throwing the pencil across the room when I get stuck trying to help my kids with their math homework. 
• Be less sarcastic (my son is literally turning into Chandler Bing from "Friends" a result, no doubt, from my second-hand sarcasm).  
• Stop making fun of others to make myself feel better. (This doesn't apply to idiot celebrities or Reality show members who will never be exempt from my nasty remarks).

-Val