My Best & Worst List of 2008 (so far...)

As the year comes to an end, I love watching all those year end specials and gobbling up the gossip magazines with their Best & Worst lists. Today I've decided to start my own Best & Worst list (so far) of 2008:

Worst Movie(s) of 2008:

1. Dark Knight. I am probably the only one on the planet not to "get" this movie. I was bored to tears. The premise made absolutely no sense (could have been the two glasses of Cabernet I downed during the first half of the movie) but after the first hour, I was ready for a smart bomb to annihilate Gotham City and kill all it's mundane citizens. I finally clicked it off in favor of watching the Survivor finale (now that's desperation).
2. The Love Guru: I didn't even see this movie (nor would I shell out the $4.95 to rent it), but I did see the trailer and that was enough to tell that this flick is a giant pile of horse shit.  
3. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Holy shit - they should have called this movie "Indiana Jones Meets ET's Cousins in a Dusty Cave while Shia La Beouf makes Wisecracks".  My sister was sitting next to me snoring so loudly that I was praying we'd get thrown out by the theater's management - just so I could have an excuse to leave.

Best Movie(s) of 2008:

1. Step Brothers: because I am a 13 year old boy trapped in the body of a 39 year-old woman.
2. Pineapple Express: because I am a 13 year-old boy trapped in the body of a 39 year-old woman.

Worst Fashion Trend of 2008: 

• Ankle boots paired with a dress. Unless you are Giselle Bundchen, this look is not for you. I broke down and bought a pair of black ankle boots, which when paired with anything other than jeans, makes my legs look like solid pillars of white alabaster with Jackson Pollack-like drippings of blue varicose veins. 
  

Worst Televsion of 2008:

• TMZ. I love celebrity gossip, but can't stomach TMZ's show with it's snot-nosed slacker reporters who cream their pants over a shot of Jamie Fox outside STK restaurant or Linda Hogan at the airport. Yawn!
• Nancy Grace. Sure I watch Nancy, but I don't enjoy it. God she is such a bitch to her guests. Her 180-day Caylee Anthony marathon was literally the same show night after night. Note to Nancy: there are other crimes out there - you might want to mix it up now and then with a hatchet murder or a missing housewife.
• Worst Week: I watched the season premier of this show and almost had an anxiety attack. If I wanted to watch a nervous bumbling idiot get into one crazy predicament after another I'd have a camera crew follow me around after a week without my Prozac. Seriously, I wanted the corpse of Marlin Perkins from Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom to pop up from his grave and shoot the guy in the neck with a tranquilizer gun 

Best Shoe Attack Caught on Tape:  I need to go on Ancestry.com and track down this Iraqi journalist who threw his shoe at President Bush, because I am sure he is a distant cousin of my mom. She perfected the "hateful shoe toss" back in 1989, when she threw her Easy Spirit pump across the room at my dad during a friends wedding reception. Unfortunately, her shoe rage wasn't caught on tape.

 

Best Trainwreck of 2008: Clearly Amy Winehouse wins this one hands down. Thank you Amy, you took over where Anna Nicole left off. God, I miss Anna Nicole. 

Biggest Bitch of 2008: Vicki from Real Housewives of Orange County. I hope she ends up buying that million dollar yacht she keeps yapping about, so that her children can strap her to the washer/dryer that comes with it and shove her overboard.

The year isn't over yet, and I'm sure there are more goodies to come. 

-Val