Things That Are Pissing Me Off This Week:

I'm not going to talk any more about Balloon Boy except to say that I KNEW IT ALL ALONG. And if Mr. Richard Heene really wants to be on a Reality Show, I hear that "Tool Academy" is casting.

This is an actual headline (and has been reported on CNN ~ so you know its true):

Ms. California Sued Over Breast Implants: K2 Productions, which directs the Miss California USA pageant, is requesting the $5,200 it gave Prejean for her breast augmentation surgery.
There are so many things wrong with this story. First and foremost: you get free breast implants if you win a pageant? This is complete and utter bullcrap. Sorry cuties, but if you are stupid enough to shell out $5k so that Ms. Brainiac can look good in a string bikini onstage while Donald Trump gets a hard on, then she should be allowed to keep them. While we're talking about this, someone sign me up for the Mrs. USA contest. I'd love a tummy tuck and some liposuction.

David Hasselhoff and his lovely daughters have just signed a deal for a reality show. Hey David, how about you get off the sauce before letting cameras in your house 24/7? We all know that this can not end well and is clearly a sign of End of Days. The picture below definitely needs to be featured in the opening credits of the show (which should be sponsored by In-N-Out burger).

I just heard that 'NCIS' is the number one show on television. This shouldn't make me mad. In fact I shouldn't care at all, but I do! I've always had it out for NCIS. I've never actually seen the show but I have seen the commercials and always wondered "Why, CBS, why?" Does a show about Navy investigators seem worthy of being the top show on television? What do they investigate anyhoo? Realistically, have you ever heard of the Navy being considered "Tops" in crime solving? Did the Navy find out who killed Jon Benet? Was it the Navy who surmised that Balloon Boy (sorry I'm talking about him again) was a hoax? Has the Navy ever gotten to the bottom of Anna Nicole's early and suspicious demise? I don't think so Mark Harmon. Meanwhile there are actually a few really great television shows out there worthy of being number one ("30 Rock", "Modern Family" and of course "Hoarders" immediately come to mind. But I digress. The world must be filled with a shit load of old cat ladies in housecoats with Mark Harmon crushes.

Lastly: The Ralph Lauren Model who was fired for being too fat. C'mon Ralph Lauren. No one fired you for having white hair and BLACK eyebrows, which is for sure a fashion no-no. Here is a picture of model Fattie McSquishy (weighing in at a staggering 120 lbs!!!)

If I looked like that I would seriously go out every day to get my mail in the nude and probably wear a bra and thong to the grocery store and Parent Teacher Night. Apparently the people of Ralph Lauren thought she was a dead ringer for Natalie in the Facts of Life (look her up if you are under the age of 35) and went all sorts of crazy with the Adobe Photo Shop (and where can I get my hand on that software?) 

Here she is (photoshopped to get rid of all that excess skin and stuff) in one of their Australian Ads:

Can you say "Put another shrimp on the barbie?" (and while you're at it, add a juicy steak and some S'mores to the barbie). Hey Fat Model: Karen Carpenter called from the grave. She's upset because you are stealing her thunder (and probably her Ex Lax).

Way to go Ralph Lauren. I am now officially boycotting your clothing (and that includes your stupid "Chaps" brand that is being sold at finer retail stores like Kohls and Marshall's).

*Note: Stupid Blogger has changed it's formatting. Sometimes "spellcheck" works and sometimes it doesn't. Today it doesn't. Misspelled words are one of my majoh pet peeves, and while I tried to catch them, I'm no Harvard grad (UofA all the way) so there are bound to be some spelling errors. Just another thing that is pissing me off this week.

-val