When I answered the door of our discreet turbo colonial-style house in the middle of the desert, he stood before me in a Trojan Condoms T Shirt. Holy shit you can't be serious, wearing that to meet my mom.
Without Nancy's knowledge, I had smoked stolen cigs and drank stolen beers from our fridge in my treehouse as a kid and smoked pot with val in my room, so being really observant wasn't exactly her strong suit.
Later that night, trojan condom boy dry humped my Levi button fly jeans so hard that he bruised my va jay jay. Apparently his tee was just for show, because he was bound and determined to dry hump me with clothes on for hours. This is just as well because I didn't want to lose my virginity to him anyway. That future suitor would at least need to wear a wife beater to meet Nancy.
-Parker
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