Why You Shouldn't Surf the Web at Work

I hardly ever surf the web at work, but occassionally when I have down time I do check my personal email or when I'm feeling really devilsih check one of my go-to gossip sites. Yesterday, late afternoon and not much to do I decide to go onto dlisted.com - a fairly tame, snarky gossip website. Before logging in, I do a quick look to the right to make sure no one is approaching. The second the site comes up I am confronted with the following picture (on a 20 inch flatscreen monitor in glorious Technacolor):

And then I see out of the corner of my eye - a coworker approaching my cubicle. My thought process went something like this:

"Oh Hell No..... Shit, here she comes. Click the X, click the X...I'm clicking the X but nothing is happening. Why is it asking me if I want to close all screens -SHIT YES, close ALL screens NOW god dammit."

I've been on that website many times and this is the first time I've come across a picture of Pamela Anderson spread eagle with a giant star over her cooch. Naturally, one of my 50-year-old co-workers would peruse by my desk at that exact same moment. I might as well have had a Penthouse centerfold wallpapered on my cubicle walls. If she did see, she didn't say anything, but I'm sure she is now under the impression that I am a lipstick lesbian who cruises porn sites at work.

Later that day I cruised on down to the "Student Center" (by the way the "Student Center" at a community college might be one of the best people watching places on the planet). I stood in line to purchase my Diet Pepsi and the debenair young man in front of me was wearing a tee shirt with cut off sleeves with the following astute words on the back:

Stay Sick

Stay Fuck

Hail Satan

First of all, his mom must be proud. But most important, what on earth could a Satan worshipper possibly be doing at community college? Is he dabbling in accounting when he's not sacrificing small rodents and scratching pentagons on his arm with a razor? Is he taking a class on how to make websites, so that he can spread his wisdom to the rest of the world? Maybe he is studying to be a medical assistant? Or maybe his Jonas Brother's concert tee shirt was dirty and the Hail Satan shirt was the only clean thing in his drawer.

-val

P.S. if you are surfing the web while at work and the above picture just popped up as someone is passing your desk, I apologize.