Thursday, May 6, 2010

OK, I'm just gonna say it: Bret Michaels is an Attention Whore

A few weeks back I heard that Bret Michaels had an emergency appendectomy. Luckily, for strippers in small towns across the country, he survived the surgery. Two days later, he "Twittered" something along the lines of "I almost didn't make it." Call me pessimistic, but rather than feeling pity for Bret - I thought to myself "Gawd, he's totally going to milk this for all its worth."

And he probably would have, but then a week later he had a brain hemorrhage and was rushed to the hospital. While I would never mock someone who had a brain hemorrhage (I'm not the Devil after all), two things immediately came to mind: 1) If Bret Michaels passes away, I'm totally going to scoop Parker (we have a celebrity death game where the first person to get the scoop is the winner) and 2) If Bret makes it through this ordeal he is going to play it up Big Time.

A few days after he was hospitalized, his dad came forward to say "Bret is talking and doing well." Within minutes, Brett's "camp" (i.e that big Ogre bodyguard from Rock of Love) was quick to let the press know that Brett isn't out of the woods yet, and could die at any minute. 40-year old hard-living, female bartenders wept at the news.

Cut to today. I'm watching "Access Hollywood's exclusive story about Bret's "People" magazine cover (Bret is on the cover of People? Shocking, I know). They flashed one of "People's" exclusive photos of Bret unconscious in the hospital and holy shit he's wearing his Freaking Bandana.(Note: I looked high and low on the net to find this photo, but it looks like you need to purchase People to actually see it).

Now I'm no Marcus Welby M.D., but wouldn't the doctors immediately remove the bandana upon the realization that his brain was bleeding? Is that bandana welded to his head (like when fat people sit in a couch for so long that they become attached to the fabric)? My theory, of course is that the bandana caused the hemorrhage in the first place and should be removed by any means necessary. Of course we all know that will never happen. And now that Bret has had a brush with death, don't be surprised if VH1 debuts a new fall show: "Bret Michael's Bucket List." (spoiler alert, every thing on his Bucket List will involve drunken strippers). And by the way, if he wins Celebrity Apprentice, I'm going to be really pissed.

1 comment:

Bruce said...

Thank you for not allowing me to be the only person around that thinks this story (and this dufus) is a load of crap.

You have a brain hemmorage, you're not styling with your favorite headgear ... and in fact, it a good bet you have surgical scars that no doctor would allow a nasty bandana to infect.