There are so many things wrong with this scenario, I can't even begin. I know that Billy Rae Cyrus isn't exactly Brad Pitt and his mullet and parachute pants back in the early 90's would make any woman cringe, but I can't imagine ever turning in Billy Ray Cyrus for Bret Michaels. (Actually I can't imagine ever falling for either - even with all their "Achy Breaky" and "Poison/Rock of Love" cash.) Needless to say, I think Billy's pretty pissed. Indeed his heart is both Achy and Breaky, but more importantly, imagine the shame Mrs. Cyrus has put on her family. Finding out your mom got it on with Bret Michaels cannot be a positive experience. I see even more pole dancing and risque clothing in Miley's future. I guess Bret Michaels song was prophetic: Every Rose DOES have its thorn. Any by thorn, I mean a lifetime of humiliation and trying to conquer a plethora of Venereal Diseases.
While I'm on the subject of crappy celebrity gossip, I also learned that ABC has picked up the show "Skating with Celebrities." I never been a fan of "Dancing with the Stars," but put them on ice and I'm I'm hooked. While I didn't recognize many of the celebrities names (either I am getting really old, or they are very D-list), I am familiar with the following:
- Vince Neil. former lead singer of Motly Crue and soon to be known as "Trainwreck on Ice"
- Sean Young: She actually had a promising career in the late 1980's and early 1990's until she dressed up like catwoman and appeared on Jay Leno in hopes of getting the part in Tim Burton's Batman. Don't know much about her recent work, but did see her on a Soup clip in a CMT reality show where she was sitting by a campfire (I pretty sure Carnie Wilson and Bobby Brown were also present) drunk off her ass. I can't wait ! Her new name: "Meltdown on Ice"
- Betthany from Real Housewives of New Jersey and Betthany's Getting Married? Betthany is such a flash in the pan that I don't even know what her last name is, but I am guessing she will skate while holding a "Skinny Girl" margarita in one hand and her god damned cookbook in the other. We'll name her "Attention Whore on Ice."
For those of you who are too young to know of Sean Young and her Leno meltdown - here's a clip. It really is crazy at its finest. Unfortunately I can't find a clip with sound, but just imagine her saying incoherent phrases in a cat voice.