Sunday, April 20, 2014

An Open Letter to CNN:
I've watched for over a month while you've waxed poetically about the missing Malaysian flight. The truth is, it's a major bummer, and had a family member of mine been in that plane, you'd probably find me in a neon pink Versace scuba suit, scouring the seas for an iota of evidence for that mother fucking plane. But as day 50-something approaches, let's call a spade a spade - the plane is a goner. I don't need to hear Don Lemon chatting with the guy who looks like Basel from Austin Powers droning on and on in his charming English accent and bad teeth about what the "pings' could possibly mean. I don't need to see the childish graphic of the plane circumnavigating the globe in a crazy zig zag pattern for the umpteenth time. Oh and 'Earth to CNN', it's no longer 'BREAKING NEWS." Take down the model plane sitting on your desk and move on....move on already! When you find a floating mini bottle of Turning Leaf Chardonnay and a plastic cup alongside a Vera Bradley overnight case off the coast of Australia, let us know. Until then, how about throwing in a little more info on the Korean slinking ferry or the Ukraine for god's sake.

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