Reality Roundup

by Parker & Val

Haven't blogged in a while - too busy immersed in the new Reality television season. Here are some thoughts:

Rachel Zoe Project: Her real "project" should involve eating a hoagie sandwich now and then and washing it down with a Supersized McDonald's Snickers McFlurry. Still the show is 60 minutes of eye candy. Her assistant Taylor (who they all call "Tay Tay", perhaps the most annoying nickname ever created) is such an ungrateful Clorox-haired bitch. She has repeatedly whined about having had to work for Rachel for 3 years (3 YEARS - oh the humanity) and still hasn't been promoted. Welcome to the real world "TAY TAY". Try selling radio for 15 years. If you are so damn miserable, I'm sure Forever 21 is hiring.

More to Love: We've pretty much given up on this show (especially when he sent home the real fatties) but Parker caught the most recent episode where Luke (a.k.a. the Playa with the Mayo) went on a date with one of the Low-Self-Esteem girls and asked her if she could see herself marrying him in the future. Of course the needy chick beamed, "Yes!", because who could resist that hunk of a man? Less than 48 hours later, he sent her packing. Way to pump up her confidence Luke. Maybe next week he'll choke on an eclair.

Flipping Out: This show has totally lost it's focus this year. We don't care that your assistant didn't get enough "brown salsa" at Baja Fresh. Show me some god-damned throw pillows. And what's with Zoila (the Hispanic maid) all of the sudden yukking it up for the cameras? Did the producers throw in an extra $200 per episode if she acts like a cougar and tries to proposition every gardener that crosses her path?

Hoarders: Does anyone remember back in the 1980's and 90's when NBC would air a show with a serious plot and the promo would announce: "On a VERY special episode of...." (like the time that Michael J. Fox took pep pills to study for a test on 'Family Ties' or George Clooney got trapped in a storm drain on "ER"?) Well this week, A&E should have aired a promo that said, "On a VERY Fu*cked-up episode of 'Hoarders'", because those folks on Monday night's episode were all sorts of batshit crazy. One lady had a total of 75 cats in her house (of course 41 of them were skeletons hidden under all her crap). They also featured a 21 year old gay basketcase who refused to pick up the massive chunks of dog hair embedded in his carpet because he was afraid it might kill his dog. Can you say "television gold"? Parker refuses to watch this show because she's afraid the sight of moldy food in a corner might make her throw up in her mouth.

Top Chef: This year takes place in Las Vegas and for some inexplicable reason, Bravo has decided to put the chef's up in a mansion which was clearly built and decorated in 1986 (pink Formica with matching sheer green drapes). Geez, because they couldn't find a better more aesthetically pleasing locale, what with all the amazing hotels in the area? I'm pretty sure in this economy they could have gotten a bargain price on a block of rooms at the Bellagio. Secondly, if you are going to be on Top Chef, we feel that it might be wise to remove all facial piercings before going on camera. Just a thought.