Monday, September 14, 2009

Now I've Seen It All

As a teenager I loved watching the VMA's - and about the most crazy thing I ever saw was a very young Madonna dry-humping the stage in a tacky wedding dress singing "Like A Virgin." But now, I've seen it all.

I quit watching the VMA's about 5 or 6 years ago, when I got tired of staring at the television and saying "Who?" However, last night I watched the first 20 minutes, just to see Janet do her Michael tribute and to see how badly they Spanxed her (the answer: a lot of Spanx was harmed in the making of the Janet tribute to Michael). But first Madonna came out and spoke in her ridiculous English accent for 15 minutes about Michael (but mostly about herself). God that ego of hers - I think she just loves to hear the sound of her own voice. Kudos to her plastic surgeon however, for 51, she looks amaayyyyzing.

This morning I awoke to all the Kayne West hoopla (how he ruined poor little Taylor Swift's speech). All I can say is "Have some more Couvissier, Kayne" (which he was drinking all up and down the red carpet: Class!) You and your crop circle haircut really know how to "mix it up". Because nothing says "smooth talking gentleman" like pulling the mic out of the hands of a 17-year-old neophyte while accepting one of her first awards ever and going off on a rant. News flash, Kayne: "It's the Freaking MTV Video awards" not the Nobel Peace Prize. In the scheme of things its not a big deal, so chillax idiot.

I thought the Kayne debacle was the major highpoint of the show, UNTIL I caught a glimpse of Lada GaGa's amazing wardrobe changes. Had I known that "bloody tampon" was in this season, I would have saved that money I spent on Boyfriend jeans and Maxi dresses and headed on down to Neiman's for the latest collection by Tampax. Luckily for me, I have a fundraiser in a few weeks which I think would be the perfect occasion for that feathery-tumbleweed face hat. Look, I get it - she's an artist and needs to express her creativity (in the form of blood-soaked lace) but I think maybe there's more to this. Attention whore much?
Me thinks Lady GaGa was never hugged as a child.

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