Tuesday, October 27, 2009

NY, U2 and Drinking on Planes

I truly hate to fly, it scares the shit out of me and being cramped in a seat for hours with little opportunity to pee is not my idea of fun. Inevitably there is a family near us who lugs bags of McDonalds on the plane creating a greasy stink-fest for all. Even D.W. refuses to pay the upcharge for first class, besides if the plane is going down what good does first class do anyway? If it crashes head on, first class is the first to go. I have a vivid imagination of different ways the plane could crash including it breaking in half over the ocean and the back half of the plane still flying for awhile- which is where DW and I and would be sitting (insert DW asking me for a quick blow job). This scenario (not the bj part) may defy physics but I'm convinced it could really happen.
We happened to be headed to NY from Dallas a few weeks ago on the day a very bad storm was hitting Dallas. I was already sweating watching the weather the night before. I literally had my hands over my eyes as the plane shook with turbulance. Once the bumps and drops stopped, I ordered a beer. It was 10 in the morning and I never drink on planes (too dehydrating to the skin) however in this case I would have literally tackled the beverage cart at that point for a beer. Our connecting flight in Detroit was leaving from gate 51 15 minutes after we landed at gate 3. DW and I huffed and like Rosanne and John Goodman trying to OJ our asses to gate 51. DW said he had to pee to which I turned to him and like one of those bitchy girlfriends on the Amazing Race and told him "No way. Hold it cutie!"

Once at our gate and covered with flop sweat our flight was luckily delayed. Dw and I both ordered a stiff drink as soon as possible on the connector to NY.We stayed with our very good friends Jade and Evan and their adorable kiddos, and had a blast walking around the city and just hanging. At the airport leaving for home we had the celeb sighting of Paula Deen and her father-time hubby. I so wanted to tell her that her Taco Soup Recipe rocks however her slow cooker mac cheese that I wasted 30 dollars of cheese on: not so much. She was incognito with glasses and a hat so I gave her a break. Also ever since Jack black was such a dick I'm gun shy on the "approaching celebs" thing.

The following Monday DW and I went to the U2 concert at the new cowboy stadium, subtly named "Jerrys World"(after the poverty-stricken owner Jerry Jones). The show was amazing. It also brought back great memories of Val and I going to their every show in Arizona as teenagers.  Val and I were typically too hungover to get up early to get good seats (were teenagers before the Internet and online ticket buying!). One time we actually got up at 6 am and drove 30 miles (hungover of course) to a tickteting location. When no one was in the parking lot, we literally thought we were first in line (ala the Griswalds slo-mo arrival to Wally World in "National Lampoon's Vacation") only to discover that we went to we the wrong location. As a result we were usually row 93z.  But we were there and that's all that really mattered

Today, as I lay on the couch watching TV completely exhausted from my whirlwind NY/U2 week, Im wondering these things:
  • What does Bono's house look like?
  • Why are they still airing Billy mays commercials when he's dead?
  • Why does everyone cry hysterically on the biggest loser .. Food deprivation?
  • Does anyone else think Marie Osmond is doing blow? Seriously she is way thinner than me and has the hollywood lollipop head. Have a hoagie Marie. 
I am now a believer of having a cocktail on any flight, dry skin or not. That's what La Mer is for.


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