Thursday, October 15, 2009

What Do you Expect from Wife Swap Contestants?

Today at work as I watched the boy in the silver bubble air balloon fly vicariously over the fields of Colorado on, I was horrified. How will they get him down? Will he crash into the Rocky Mountains? But as the Brady Bunch-like Space Ship twisted and turned I really started to doubt how it could possibly hold a 50 lb child. I mean, C'mon it didn't have a window or a visible door, and no tell-tale lump of a kids butt sitting in the mylar basket.

As it it crashed to the ground I looked over at my co-worker and said, "He's probably at home in the basement." I  love how the first reaction of the rescuers was to hit the balloon repeatedly with a shovel to incapacitate the balloon (head injuries to a small boy apparently were not a concern). Honestly, instead of a small boy, I  kept expecting Popcorn to explode from inside the Jiffy Pop top of the balloon.

Then, when no boy surfaced and news that his family had once appeared on "Wife Swap" began to surface, I really began to get suspicious. Call me crazy, but any family who has agreed to appear on Wife Swamp simply cannot be trusted. The words "Attention whores" immediately came to mind and I envisioned them telling their son "Falcon" (again: can you say "Attention whores?") to lay low with a box of Oreos and a Spongebob DVD while they notified the KFOX helicopter to track down their homemade Aluminum Foil balloon on live TV. (Word is they contacted the media BEFORE calling the PoPo).

Cut to 4 hours later....Falcon is found in the family attic. I'm no Einstein, but wouldn't a good search of the home be one of the first things they did? And while I 'm glad that "Falcon" is safe and sound, I can't help but wonder if his hippie parents were maybe concocting up a story to extend the 15 minutes of Wife Swap fame? Surely a People Magazine (or at the very least National Enquirer) cover is in their future. And that is so not cool.

Balloon Boy Update:
My dad is convinced that there is no hanky panky to this story and that the family legitimately thought Falcon was lost up up and away in his beautiful balloon. However I just came across this homemade family video on You Tube ( a must watch, below). This is the entire Crazy Jiffy Pop Balloon family singing some sort of homemade rap. I can't understand much, but there are some great stolen Elton John/Bernie Taupin lyrics about Farting and Fire Ants. The Sherlock Holmes in me thinks that when Def Jam records didn't come a knocking they pulled the balloon stunt in hopes for an uplifting (pun intended) Lifetime movie starring Jennifer Love Hewitt, Rick Schroeder and three of the Gosslin kids as the Balloon Brothers.

Balloon Boy (HOAX) Update #2:
Balloon Boy "Falcon" just accidently spilled the beans to Wolf Blitzer on CNN. Wolf asked the parents why Falcon didn't come out of his "hiding place" (aka the attic where he was supplied with a box of Oreos and a Spongebob marathon in return for keeping his mouth shut) and the boy said, "Well, you (the parents) told me it was all for a SHOW." And then Balloon Dad coughed and stuttered while his mail order bride shook her head and said "Nooooo.". This will be all over the news tomorrow. And I hope they send the balloon family a bill for the resuce attempt (which CNN calculated to be upwards of $28k).

And, I rest my case:

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