Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Why You Shouldn't Surf the Web at Work

I hardly ever surf the web at work, but occassionally when I have down time I do check my personal email or when I'm feeling really devilsih check one of my go-to gossip sites. Yesterday, late afternoon and not much to do I decide to go onto dlisted.com - a fairly tame, snarky gossip website. Before logging in, I do a quick look to the right to make sure no one is approaching. The second the site comes up I am confronted with the following picture (on a 20 inch flatscreen monitor in glorious Technacolor):

And then I see out of the corner of my eye - a coworker approaching my cubicle. My thought process went something like this:

"Oh Hell No..... Shit, here she comes. Click the X, click the X...I'm clicking the X but nothing is happening. Why is it asking me if I want to close all screens -SHIT YES, close ALL screens NOW god dammit."

I've been on that website many times and this is the first time I've come across a picture of Pamela Anderson spread eagle with a giant star over her cooch. Naturally, one of my 50-year-old co-workers would peruse by my desk at that exact same moment. I might as well have had a Penthouse centerfold wallpapered on my cubicle walls. If she did see, she didn't say anything, but I'm sure she is now under the impression that I am a lipstick lesbian who cruises porn sites at work.

Later that day I cruised on down to the "Student Center" (by the way the "Student Center" at a community college might be one of the best people watching places on the planet). I stood in line to purchase my Diet Pepsi and the debenair young man in front of me was wearing a tee shirt with cut off sleeves with the following astute words on the back:
Stay Sick
Stay Fuck
Hail Satan

First of all, his mom must be proud. But most important, what on earth could a Satan worshipper possibly be doing at community college? Is he dabbling in accounting when he's not sacrificing small rodents and scratching pentagons on his arm with a razor? Is he taking a class on how to make websites, so that he can spread his wisdom to the rest of the world? Maybe he is studying to be a medical assistant? Or maybe his Jonas Brother's concert tee shirt was dirty and the Hail Satan shirt was the only clean thing in his drawer.

P.S. if you are surfing the web while at work and the above picture just popped up as someone is passing your desk, I apologize.

No comments: