From the looks of this picture, it seems as if President Bush is having a pretty good time enjoying the Olympics. Me? Not so much. I tried, I really tried hard to dedicate myself to all things Olympiad. I sat through the amazing Milli-Vanilli lip synching Chinese girl and the acrobatic Wunderkinds at the opening ceremonies. I have to admit it was a feast for the eyes. But then the athletics started and it went downhill from there.
Every four years I get psyched for the women's gymnastics. This year was no exception, until I realized that if I actually wanted to see the Gymnastics competition, I would need a week's supply of "pep pills" in order to stay awake past midnight to catch the action. Evidently, when it comes to the Olympics, Gymnastics is like the "yummy dessert" at the end of the night, but first you must sit through a grueling 3-hour meal of liver and onions (men's indoor volleyball and the never-ending swimming competitions). I was able to make it through the first night of Synchronized Diving, but by 9:00 p.m. after seeing countless 18 year old girls with non-pocked asses facing the camera in preparation for their dive, my body self-image plummeted to a staggering new low. And don't get me started on the women's beach volleyball. That emaciated Kerri Walsh really needs to put down the ball and eat a Double Whopper with Cheese.
I don't want to hate the Olympics. Believe me, if it was one of my kids participating in the 100 meter dash (which is about as likely as me being featured on the cover of Playboy), I'd be front and center wearing an American flag halter dress and an Uncle Sam hat. Perhaps if I had been more athletic as a child, the Olympics might be more gratifying. But with a week and 1/2 left to go, I find myself missing some of the more classic American competitions: like "The Apprentice" or "Fear Factor". I know its wrong of me to prefer watching Omarosa getting her ass kicked in the Pizza Hut marketing competition, or a grown man dry-heaving over a plate of Yak penis, but what can I say? I'm an American.
P.S. Go Michael Phelps!