Undercover Boss and Things that I am Thankful For

As much as I bitch and moan about "getting old", "getting fatter by the moment" and having puffy eyes that rival Benecio del Toro's, there are a few things I am thankful for.

I'm thankful that MySpace, Twitter and Facebook weren't around in the 1980's. Teen angst is hard enough as it is, without preserving all your hopes (wanting to look like Kim Alexis) and dreams (like being the next "Joan Lunden"), and embarrassing crushes (too many to mention). Don't even get me started on the horrendous pictures that would be forever trapped in cyberspace. Back in the day you had to wait 3 days to get your film developed if you wanted to see how great you looked in your smeared blue eyeshadow after chugging 3 Bartles & James. Today not only can you see the picture instantly on a digital camera, you can upload it for millions to see in about 2 seconds. Seriously, I would not want to be a young adult in that kind of world.

Last night I sat through about 90% of a show called "Undercover Boss", which CBS is toting as the "Number #1 new show on television." Of course it is dumbasses, you'd only aired one episode and it was immediately following the Superbowl when everyone was too drunk to change the channel. You could run a show called "The History of Space Dust" right after the Superbowl and it would be #1 as well. But I digress. The thing that most stuck with me during "Undercover Boss" is how fired me and everyone of my bar managers would have been during my waitressing days in college. Undercover Boss would arrive and by the end of the night would have encountered the following: A waitress doing blow in the bathroom (not me); 4 waitress in the walk-in doing shots of vodka (possibly me); a boss asking a waitress if she wants to come over to his aprtment after her shift and listen to "Boz Skaggs" (yes that happened to me).

If any of you actually saw "Undercover Boss: The Hooters Incident" (I added the subtitle for effect) you'd have seen him visit a lovely Hooters manager aptly named "Jimbo" who had about as much class as that hillbilly couple on the Simpsons. The highlight of the Jimbo segment was when he made the waitresses eat a plate of refried beans with their hands tied behind their back to see who got to "leave early." He told the girls they were going to play his "Reindeer Games." What does that even mean? And who does he think he is, Ben Affleck? "Now why would anyone want to leave early with a manager like that," I wondered.

As the girls shoved their faces around in the beans, Undercover Boss just stood there with an uncomfortable look on his face. What he should have done was stuck Jimbo's face in a vat of boiling Hooter's Spicy Wing Sauce and told him to hit the road. Jesus, even Hooters girls deserve some respect. Because a no-hands bean eating contest is almost as bad as listening to Boz Skaggs with your boss.

-val