Yesterday I sat on my lazy ass for 3 hours watching the Top Chef marathon on Bravo. I love Top Chef because it always inspires me to get creative in the kitchen and then when push comes to shove I end up making Cheese Crisps for dinner. I finally had to change the channel because the damned Bravo network must have played the preview-ad of next weeks OC Housewives at least 200 times. The promo basically revolves around Tamra's "formal dinner" where she attempts to get Gretchen drunk by pounding her with tequila shots, which backfires when Gretchen practically sticks her tongue down Tamra's son's throat and then (cue dramatic music) "Gretchen and Ryan" (Tamra's scary looking Christian Slater/troll son) 'disappear.'
Needless to say they want us to believe that Gretchen and troll boy have salacious sex in the hot tub during the dinner party, but they can't pull another bait-and-switch promo on me! I'm sure when the show airs next Tuesday, the cameras will find "missing" Gretchen passed out in the bathroom while troll boy is upstairs playing World of Warcraft and spanking off to a fair maiden.
And while I'm on the subject of the Real Housewives, why are they always wearing bejeweled silk blouses in the light of day? Why does Tamra don chandelier diamond earrings at noon? And lastly, do they have to have alcohol at every lunch. I love a good glass of wine or a martini now and then, but if I drank as much during the day as these ladies, I'd be scrubbing toilets alongside Tara Reid at Promises right now.
Lastly, speaking of running the same commercial over and over again. I swear to god if I see another ad for "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" I'm going to have an aneurysm. What's worse, is every time it comes on my kids laugh and say "That looks funny." I don't know if I can afford to take them to see that flick. It will be at least $100: $30 for tickets, $20 for snacks and $50 for the street heroin I'll need to ingest to make it through two hours of Kevin James on a Segway.