Friday, April 10, 2009

Diary of a Madwoman (in a RV)

Before last Saturday, I'd never set foot in an RV - but when my husband suggested a family "camping" trip a few months ago, I felt adventurous and totally went for it. Last Saturday we headed  out, in route to the Grand Canyon and Lake Powell in a 24 foot RV. Below are excerpts from my 'travel diary.'

Day 1: 
9:00 am: The RV is not as bad as I thought. Lots of space, two flat screens and a bathroom - this vacation might not be so bad after all.

4:00  pm: Just arrived outside the Grand Canyon. Holy shit it is freezing. I feel like Emile Hirsch's character in "Into the Wild" camping in the back of an abandoned bus, freezing my ass off (except that I have Italian linens, a down comforter, 40 DVDs and a refrigerator full of food - but aside from that I'm just like the Into The Wild guy.)

Day 2:
3:00 am: Is someone trying to break into the RV? No that's just hurricane-like winds rocking the hell out of this tin can on wheels. Damn I'm cold. 

6:00 am: There are fricking icicles hanging off the outside of the RV. Just took a shower in the RV which was not unlike standing inside a phone booth while someone  spits on me. 

10:00 am: Arrived at the Grand Canyon. It is a big beautiful hole in the ground. Walked 3 miles and saw deer and elk. Note to self: NEVER wear designer low rise jeans while hiking the Grand Canyon. If I had come across a "Mom Jeans" stand on one of the these trails, I would have willingly shelled out $200 for a pair, just to contain my ginormous muffintop.

Day 3:
9:00 am: Arrived at Lake Powell last night. Thank god it is warmer. Refused to take shower in the RV, ended up shelling out $2 for the community RV park showers. Tried to stand as still as possible and ignore the shower curtain covered in strangers' hair.

4:00 pm: Took a boat  out on the lake. Good times, despite freezing winds in my face. RV is  now covered in thin layer of sand. Starting to feel like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Total cabin fever. 

9:00 pm: My Italian sheets are covered in sand,  I smell like a campfire, claustrophobia has started to kick in and I'm considering hitching my way back to California. Aside from that, having a great time.

Day 4:
3:00 pm: Spent entire day on boat (for a mere $500 rental fee, great deal). Am sunburned and greasy. Am suffering from Pop Culture withdrawal. My Blackberry isn't getting a signal and I haven't been online in an eternity. My dad lives a mere 2 hours away. I wonder if he'd like to have some houseguests?

4:00 pm: Called my dad and told him to order 2 pizzas and buy some beer, we are headed his way. I am so over this RV. Next year, Hawaii.


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