Friday, April 17, 2009

Words of Wisdom from a Really Old Annoying Guy

I've never been a fan of Andy Rooney - his voice annoys me and whenever I see him I desperately want to pluck a long gray hair from his nose and hold him down while I place Crest White Strips on his aging teeth. Yesterday, my sister sent me an email which has probably been forwarded to every Cougar over 40 in the Northern Hemisphere, but this one actually rings true. As someone who is still "pushing 40", I have to agree with Mr. Hairy Nose on this:

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: 
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. 
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it.  She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.  
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. 
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. 
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. 
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. 
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. 
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. 
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage! 

1 comment:

Jenni said...

80%? Really? That's kind of surprising. I guess when an entire generation of so many divorced parents you tend to develop your own opinion about marriage.
I guess in some cases I'm the youngest 40 year old ever. I'm hoping I wont regret skipping over crazy teenage and college years when I'm 40, or I'll be "that woman" who likes to wear her daughter's mini skirts and hang out at college bars, lol.