Yesterday I woke up with a raging case of Pink Eye. No big deal, however I couldn't help but be reminded of the scene from "Knocked Up" where Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd go to pick up their stoner friends for a Vegas road trip and they can't go because they are all infected with Pink Eye caused by farting on each other's pillow. Apparently (according to the writer's of "Knocked Up" who are clearly opthamologists on the side) Pink Eye is/can be caused by getting fecal matter in your eye. Needless to say, yesterday as I showed up at work looking like I'd just left a hotel room after hanging out with Snoop Dog and Willie Nelson, I couldn't stop wondering if I somehow got poop in my eye, and if so, how could it have happened? Did someone fart on my favorite pillow when I wasn't looking? Did my dog do one of those butt-scratching slides on my pillow while I was at work? Did I accidentally pick up a pair of someone's skid marked undies while doing the laundry and then touch my eye? Maybe a floating fecal particle flew into my eye the other day when it was particularly gusty. Regardless, I can't get the whole poop eye scenario out of my head.
This morning I woke up and not only is my eye the color of Cherry Kool Aid but now it is completely puffy. Perfect timing, since I am having lunch with a friend who I haven't seen in 20 years who will undoubtedly mistake me for Farrah Fawcett's character in The Burning Bed when I arrive.
While we are on the subject of Poop, I wanted to just throw in my two cents about a little sensation known as "The Jonas Brother's" (or, as I like to call them, simply "Jonai", which I think is probably the plural of Jonas??)
First of all, can someone tell me what the appeal is? Even my 11 year old daughter thinks they are dorks (unless she's just playing it cool and really has a secret Jonai collectible stash hidden somewhere in her room). If you ask me, the "teen heartthrob bands of the 1980's were so much better.
Jonai actually have a song called "Pizza Girl". I can't be certain, but I am guessing this might be about a girl who works at a Pizza Parlor. I wonder if this was co-written by Elton John and his writing partner Bernie Taupin, because there is just no way a group of teenagers could come up with something as beautiful and poetic as "Pizza Girl" on their own. My favorite Jonai song, however is probably "Everyone's Allergic to Poison Ivy". Well no shit Sherlock. Again, some pretty heavy stuff coming from such young novices.
At least Duran Duran took it to the next step and actually used some Metaphors in their songwriting. "Hungry Like the Wolf" and "Reflex" are some examples that come to mind. While we are comparing the two bands, I have to say that style wise, Duran Duran ran circles around the Jonas Bros. Jonai, with their mini fros (except Joey, who has clearly discovered the magic of the flat iron), and their sports coat and ascots can't hold a candle to Duran Duran's stylish Panama hats, white linen jackets and magenta colored blush.
I could go on for days, but NY Prep is burning a whole in my Tivo (just dying to be watched). And I have to put on my battered wife best for my lunch today. So until next time, remember that Everyone (that means YOU) is Allergic to Poison Ivy. Thanks for the head's up Jonai.