Can someone tell me why (at last count) I have over 400 channels of cable television yet day after day I find myself watching iCarly with my kids out of sheer desperation for just an iota of entertainment. Of course every once in a while I catch a preview of a show that I have somehow missed and say aloud "Why didn't anyone tell me Steven Seagal Lawman is an actual show?"
Needless to say I am counting down the days until American Idol and Celebrity Rehab part III (Heidi Fleiss, McKenzie Phillips and Tom Sizemore in one scrumptidalicious sugar-coated train wreck) come back in a few weeks. Even the new Bachelor is looking good right about now. Yikers!
In the meantime I am still obsessed with "Hoarders." I can't explain it, but nothing sucks me in more than a family of people living in a pile of their own crap and an assortment of animal feces. Inevitably, 99% of the Hoarders are either morbidly obese, over the age of 70 (often both) or crazy cat ladies. Cat people and Hoarders go hand and hand like peanut butter and jelly. I can't even count how many times the poor bastards from 1-800-JUNK have shown up with shovel in hands and scooped up cat skeletons - poor things usually flattened in between a Teddy Ruxpin and a box full of tax records from 1972. One Hoarder - an educated lady in her late sixties actually lived in her kitchen, strapped to a chair so she wouldn't slide and drown under a pile of Sunny D bottles and El Pollo Loco wrappers (don't even ask me about the diapers that she wore and disposed of by throwing into a pile in the corner by the linen closet for 2 years straight).
Holy shit....the new tv season really can't come fast enough.