Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Daily E-Mail

To: Parker@don'temailmeatwork.com
From: Val@doinglaundry.com
Re: The Bachelor Season Finale!

Score another one for the cute, short blondes (they always get the guy in the end). I always had a feeling that English chap would pick Shayne (not to mention ABC's Faux paux of running a week-long promo showing him putting a giant diamond on a manicured finger in "Palest Pink" and then during the final episode showing off Shayne's "Palest Pink" manicured hand when she handed him the photo(shopped) pic of her in a bikini writing "I LOVE YOU" in the Malibu sand.) A dead giveaway for those educated in the multi-spectrum world of nail polish colors.  

Maybe its me, but there's something twisted about saying "Yes" to marriage to a man who just the night before told another woman (read: reality vixen whore) that he was falling in love with her right before lunging his tongue down  her throat. Oh well, Shayne will get a taste of that gloomy London weather and go running back to daddy Lorenzo's Malibu beach pad - otherwise known as "The House that Falcon Crest Built". On that note, remember when I saw him on the beach in Hawaii my senior year in High School? It was the Celeb sighting to end all Celeb sightings in 1987 - oh how the mighty have fallen.

PS - Matt's parents home in London looked like a real cheap shitbag. How much do you think that house goes for?

To: Val@doinglaundry.com
From: Parker@don'temailmeatwork.com
Re: The Bachelor Season Finale!

Oh I know - totally. Did they say what his crusty ol' Houndstooth wearing dad does? Shayne will probably stick it out with Matt just to score a bunch of new shoes from Harrods.
I  forgot to tell you, so pathetic, there was a TV ad during the show for a small theater in Ft. Worth starring Lorenzo Lamas called the Fastastiks. Not too sad for him. I guess he has to get a check somehow.

To:  Parker@don'temailmeatwork.com
Re: The Bachelor Season Finale!

It's called the Fantasticks (or something similar) and was a famous Broadway play eons ago - today, in Ft. Worth, not so much. I give  Shayne and Matt three weeks tops. Also, just wait till she puts on 10 lbs from all the fish and chips London has to offer - then we'll see how much he loves his chubby little "Monkey". 

PS: Don't know what came over me but I am waiting in line to pick up Ellie and I am wearing oversized Victoria Beckham round sunglasses, pig tails, a wife beater and a pair of $7.99 sweat pants from TJ Maxx (recession, what recession?). Seriously, I look like the spawn of Mary Kate and K Fed (with Mischa Barton's cottage cheese ass - see this weeks edition of National Enquirer for visual).


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