Walmart: It Really is the Portal to Hell

I've always called Walmart the "Maze of Lucifer". I've never been inside one that wasn't an obstacle course of crap - like Vietnam Nam, except instead of land mines and live grenades the floors are laden with bargain-priced DVDs and tween-sized tees from the Mary Kate and Ashley collection . I don't care if they have a Panasonic DVD player on sale for $13.99 - I'd rather pay 10-times that amount just to avoid the crowds of cheap-ass holiday junk purveyors. My point was proven last Friday when a Walmart employee (who was just a poor Maintenance worker to boot) was trampled to death by hundreds of greedy bastards who couldn't wait to get their greasy fat hands on their Coty fragrance gift sets and bargain-priced electronics. Those a-holes literally ripped the doors off the wall in an effort to be the first to enter the Portal to Hell. 

I'm no Gandhi, but for the love of peace can't we all just chill the f*ck out. Merry Christmas all you Walmart bastards - I hope the Bratz Dolls Sparkle Rock Limo was worth it. This is why I shop online.

-Val