Monday, December 15, 2008

See You in Hell Cuties

As the year comes to a close, I've complied a list of 2008 newsmakers who might just be joining me and Parker in the Hot Tub down in Hell. 
  • The entire cast of "Rock of Love Charm School". You bitches make me and Parker look like Mary Poppins and The Virgin Mary. Hopefully, for your sake, Hell has an open bar and an unlimited supply of Valtrex.
  • Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich: Your heinous hairstyle is enough to get you into hell, but I'm pretty sure your "bargaining skills" have sealed the deal. Don't worry, Rod I'm sure there will be lots of other politicians to keep you company down there.
  • Casey Anthony: Do you think you could have reported your daughter missing before entering that "hot bod" contest down at Shooters Bar and Grill? Could you put off the pole dancing with your buddies and a cold Zima long enough to call in a missing persons report? I know Target has some great deals, but perhaps you should have told someone about your missing toddler before stealing your best friends checkbook to buy those trendy $8 sunglasses and Merona brand bra and pantie set. 
  • Everyone from "The Hills" (especially Spencer and Heidi): You guys wouldn't know a real job if it hit you in a face with a shovel. Hey Lauren (I mean "LC") can you take some of that $75k per episode that you "earn" and buy yourself a personality?  While you're at it, see if you can find a brain on E Bay for Audrina. 
  • Lastly, the advertising guru who green lighted the following radio spot for "Pennysaver". This  person is clearly a sadist who enjoys torturing small animals and innocent people. I'm not sure if this ad runs across the country or only in California (actually some genius finally took it off the air, most likely to prevent drivers from committing suicide). Either way it makes you want to shove a sharp knitting needle in your ear drums. Click on the link below to listen (if you dare):  Pennysaver "Torture Radio Ad"

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