Friday, November 13, 2009

My "Are You Fricking Kidding Me?s" of the week

Yesterday my daughter came home from school and informed me that her middle school is having (another) fund-raising event at their school. Not satisfied with whoring the pre-teens out in October by hitting up their relatives and every family friend with magazine sales, the school has equipped them with a War and Peace sized packet chock full of delicious factory made tubs of Cookie Dough for the rock bottom price of $16 each. $16 for a half gallon of lard speckled with chocolate chips? Are you Fricking Kidding me? While I appreciate the high kids get from selling $700 worth of cookie dough just to win something like a miniature univeral remote control (which retails for about $7.99 and can be found at the CVS "As Seen On TV" section), there is no way in hell we are shipping out the Cookie Dough Catalogs to our unsuspecting friends and family.

This week we celebrated Vetran's day, which was all the more emotional after what happened at Ft. Hood last week. The fact that "Major Fucktard" managed to kill so many people yet somehow survive in a place where almost everyone is packing heat is bad enough. Yesterday it came to light that he had his own personal cards (I guess that's like a "business" card, but for personal reasons, because Major Fucktard was smooth like that.) with his name and digits on it and the words (or the initials or some fucked up message) that read "Soldier of Allah." Hmm, red flag much? While the 17-year-old at Kinkos who processed his order was probably too stoned to bat an eye at that strange yet sublte remark, wouldn't someone else on the receiving end of that card think, "Wow, he's not only an American Soldier, but a Soldier of Allah as well. Conflict of interest? Could be!" Don't get me wrong, there are many peaceful Muslims, but when put the concept of war and religion together (on a businees card no less) you might be a fricking psychopath. On a side note, while I don't imagine a lot of military personnel read this web site (except my retired Air Force dad- who does occasionally read my snarky view of the world) - I would like to personally thank each and every person who has ever fought for our country.


Levi Johnson is officially the new Jon Gosslein (there simply is not enough room on this planet for the media to possibly be interested in both these idiots at the same time, right?). I love how Levi has stressed that his Playgirl layout will be "Tasteful." I can honestly say that I have never known one woman who has EVER purchased a copy of Playgirl. Does Levi know that he's actually posing for the gayest of the gay men?  Hot off the 'Playgirl spread' news, 'The Insider' sent Levi to New York city for a whirlwind tour and makeover where Levi revealed excusivley to one of their douchebag reporters that (hold on to your horses...) he is writing a memoir! First of all, I hope to god that Chess King sweater he is wearing in the above picture was purchased before the 'The Insider' waste-of-time-and-money makeover. And as for his "book", my guess is it is a pop-up book with lots of camoflauge, cardboard AK49s and the words "like" and "ummm". He also shared his view on finding a new love in his life, Levi said, " Right now I’m really not looking for a girlfriend. When the time comes, obviously I want someone smart. I don’t want no ditsy girl. I don’t need a high-class woman.” I'm starting to miss Richard Heene and his balloon.
  • -Val

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