Monday, November 9, 2009

Nicholas Cage, I'd Like to Introduce You to Willie Aames.

Poor Nicholas Cage. Rumor has it that he is "broke", which compared to you and me probably means he has to downsize to 2 houses and probably has a measly $2 mill in the bank.

Broke or not, I think perhaps Nic might have made some reckless and rash purchases over the past few years. Hmmm, did you really need those two islands in the Caribbean? How's that Bavarian Castle in Germany working out for you? Not so well. Oh, too bad, luckily you have that back-up castle in England (a picture of said shitty castle is posted, above). I'm not even going to bring up your Newport Beach crack-shack on the beach, the property in Louisiana and throughout Europe or your tiny 9,000 square foot Beverly Hills abode. Oh, and god-forbid you might have to sell your million-dollar comic book collection, a necessary staple for any man in his late 40's. I could go on, but I think you get the picture.

Sure, he owes the IRS a paltry $6.5 million, but considering he got paid $20 million for the movie "Windtalkers", I'm guessing he could whip out another shitty "GhostRider" flick or even "National Treasure III" and pay them back with a cool $13.6 million to spare.

Not surprisingly, like most 9th-grade educated celebrities, Nicholas is blaming his new found poverty on his business manager. While I'm sure the business manager is partially to blame, perhaps Nicholas should have paused to wonder, "Sheesh, do I need that 2nd deserted island?"

Luckily, I have some good news for Nic....VH1 just aired one of their top-notch reality/documentaries called: "Broke and Famous: Willie Aames" (I swear to god I didn't watch one second of this travesty) and rumor has it he is studying to be a "financial planner." If we could just get Nic and Willie in a room together, I'm sure it would be a partnership made in celebrities-gone-awry heaven.

On a side note, Parker's older brother once guest starred on an episode of Eight is Enough and had the magical pleasure of playing a bully who gets to punch Willie Aames in the face. I tried to YouTube it, but remarkably no one has posted this historical television moment. 

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