Bah Humbug: Why I'm not feeling the "Christmas Spirit"

Usually by this time in December, I'm all about pulling out the Christmas decorations, putting up a tree and shopping online like Victoria Beckham with a Black Card. This year, I just can't get into the spirit. Below, just a few reasons why Christmas just doesn't feel so joyous this year:

• My boss for my part-time office job has called me twice  this  week to tell me not to bother to come in. Thanks economy.
• The remains of a skeleton belonging to a child was found yesterday in Florida. Meanwhile, her delusional, party-girl mom Casey Anthony is still trying to blame a nonexistent babysitter named Zenaida. Nancy Grace has never been so thrilled. WTF is wrong with this world?
• This morning I turned on the news and was delighted to see the following stories: 'Man in Bentley Shot 10 Times in Road Rage Incident on the 101'; 'Stock Market Down 141 Points'; 'Bank of America to Cut 35,000 Jobs Over Next Three Years'; 'Government to Bail Out Yet Another Failing Industry'......  (you get the picture). The good news is that FOX LA just announced that they have the Pussycat Dolls Lingerie Show coming up at the 9:00 hour! Thanks FOX LA, you are a  beacon of light in a sea of  doom. 
• Heidi and Spencer are still getting publicity despite being complete morons without an ounce of talent or one redeeming quality.
• Last night I had to pluck yet another whisker from my chin. Am I 39 or 90?
• Another one of my friends has decided to get a divorce (our second friend in the past 12 months - oh  joyous, everlasting love!)
• There is only one more episode left of Celebrity Rehab. What will happen to Swifty (and   his crack-addicted hamsters?), Oxy Contin loving Jeff and and Crazy-Eyes Gary? Also, last night I came to the stark realization that my arms are beginning to scarily resemble those of Nikki McKibbon - I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but isn't cocaine supposed to curb your appetite? Are we sure Nikki isn't addicted to marshmallows and Bailey's Irish Creme? (I know, I know, I'm going to hell). At least I tread softly when it comes to the glitter eyeshadow (note to Nikki: less is more.

In the scheme of things - I should be thankful. I have a roof over my head, a great (yet somewhat dysfunctional) family and a cupboard full of Cap'n Crunch in my pantry. Today I will take my Prozac, head on down to TJ Maxx for some holiday bargains  (perhaps an acrylic sweater from the 1997 Liz Claiborne collection for Mom and some Lavender and Musk scented body lotion for my lucky sister this year) Merry Christmas.

-Val

P.S.  Good News! I  just read that P.Diddy has decided to tone down when it comes to wearing his "bling" out of sensitivity to a suffering economy and because he doesn't want to "flaunt it". Wow, there really is a Santa Claus. P. Diddy, you are the the Mother Teresa of our time.