Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My Detox Diary

2 weeks ago I started a month long "detox" diet. I won't get into the gory details but I will say that it pretty much eliminates all things good in life (sugar, alcohol, bread, pasta, meat, did I say sugar?) Although I generally feel great (and am 8 lbs lighter), this diet has not gone without its ups and downs, which I have been keeping track of in a diary:

Day one:
Feel pretty good - stuck to my veggies and didn't really miss my daily 32 ounce morning Pepsi!

Day two:
Had black coffee with Splenda (in lieu of my gallon of Pepsi) this morning. Shortly thereafter I was a dead ringer for Robert Downey Jr. when he was coming off heroin at Jamie Gertz's cool LA loft in "Less Than Zero" (shaking, laying by the toilet, wet washcloth on head, whiter than a sheet.) Later in the day I had organic tomatoes over plain spinach. Needless to say, that "satisfying" dish made up for the whole heroin detox incident earlier in the day.

Day three:
Still have not cheated, but should have planned better than starting a diet right before Tom's birthday AND the 4th of July. Today is Tom's birthday and I just picked up a homemade Oreo Cheesecake from the local bakery. It is taking every ounce of willpower right now not to sink my entire head in the cheesecake and go all 1950's pie eating contest on that confectionery delight.
Later that night: While Tom and the kids enjoyed the cheesecake from heaven, I slowly drank my glass of milk mixed with sugar free diabetic chocolate syrup and seltzer water. Mmmmm, seltzer water and milk.

Day Four:
Are you kidding? Today is the 4th of July and I am not allowed to have meat (i.e. giant grilled brauts), bread (no buns), sugar (no cakes shaped like the American Flag) or (Gasp!) alcohol. Somehow I managed to make it through although after Tom asked me to make him a second BLT, I considered taking the bacon and mayo, smearing it across his face and filing for divorce.

Day 8:
6 lbs down and 4 inches lost (of course 2 of those inches gone are from my 12-year old sized boobs). Feeling good and am starting to really believe that pureed cauliflower actually IS mashed potatoes and a grilled portabello mushroom is almost as good as a grilled steak.

Day 10:
Have discovered that the miracle that is 6 teaspoons of Diabetic Chocolate Syrup mixed with a can of Diet Pepsi. If I close my eyes and pinch my nose I can pretend it is a Dairy Queen Blizzard. By the way, when you have PMS, diabetic Choc. Syrup is no substitute for a milkshake and fried.

Day 13:
Got weighed and measured today -lost 3 more lbs, yet somehow managed to gain and inch and a half in my thighs. This really throws me into a tizzy. Am tempted to drive thru Taco Bell and order one of everything off the menu (I figure this will still be under $20). Hell, if it was on the menu I would even order a "Road Kill Taco" and devour it whole. But alas, for once in my life I am going to stick to something I started. (After which I will begin anew with a giant Chimichanga - extra sour cream- and a margarita on the rocks). Thighs be damned.
-VAL

1 comment:

Jenni said...

Oh, man, that sucks! (But YAY weight loss!!!)

I got back from a wedding over the weekend in Chicago, and despite the fact that my wallet was STOLEN, I had a very nice time eating ("Gorging" and "Demolishing") deep dish pepperoni and beer, martinis for the hell of it, whine with dinner, and cake and coffee with a shot of Bailey's. Didn't regret it an ounce. =p

I mean, this brings me into a sort of Philosophical dispute with being thin and craving, or kinda not thin, and eating what you like, and being happy. My other boss eats whatever the hell he wants, and used to drink a coke with a chocolate cream pie at 8 am for about a whole summer last year. He says he's "fat and happy". I eat what I like some of the time, and I'm moderately happy. (But I feel happier when I eat healthy and then get to splurge)

You are one tough bitch to deal with the lack of deliciousness (am I allowed to say 'bitch'? It feels disrespectful. I'm sorry!).

And on a holiday! Wonder Woman! Is it different for people not in the food industry? I know I nibble on cookie dough, cookies, and cream pie filling all day. And my boyfriend has to sample at his job, too. So I wonder if it's a lot easier for people not working with food.

But this post did inspire me to try and go vegetarian for a week. I'm a big fan of chickenless chicken patties. I know it's not no bread/booze/sweet/meat/etc, but it's a start? I could stand to loose a pound or two, but seeing as it's the middle of July and I've only been to the beach before 5 pm once this entire summer, I think I can forget about a bikini bod.

Congrats on the weight-loss! How to you plan on keeping it off when the detox is over? I'm curious about your next steps.