Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Kids Are Expensive: A True Story

Last Wednesday:

Daniel (my 13 year old son): "Hey mom, where are my  jeans?" 

Me: "You mean the ones that were in your dirty clothes basket? I washed them."

Daniel: "Ummm, my iPod was in the pocket."

Me: "You mean the iPod that I just bought you four weeks ago because I felt guilty because I let your sister skip school to go see the American Idol taping and you couldn't go?"

Daniel: "Yep, that iPod."

Me: "The same iPod that I also bought to replace your original iPod that you left on the tram at Disneyland."

Daniel: "Ummm Hmmmm"
Me: (frantically digging through the washer and pulling out a drowned - and very dead - new silver iPod) "Son of an ...-expletive-...."

Later that night.....

Daniel: "Umm, Mom?"

Me: "What?"

Daniel: I accidentally spilled some Pepsi on my keyboard and now my laptop won't work?"

Me: "Are you kidding?"

Daniel: "Nope, sorry."

The next day - at the Apple Store
I have a 5:00 appointment at the "Genius Bar" (which should be called the "Rape your wallet Bar"):

Apple "Genius" Dude: "What seems to be the problem?"

Me: "My son spilled soda on his laptop and now it won't turn on."

Apple "Genius": "Ouch, liquid damage is a 'tier 4' repair. You are looking at a minimum of $755.00.

Me: (speaking to myself in an invisible bubble above my head): "Is 'Tier 4' a code word for 'bend over while we stick this giant rod up your ass and royally screw you'?"
What I Really say: "Geez, that sucks."

Apple "Genius": There is a company up in L.A. that can probably fix it for about $400 - do you want their name?

Me: "Sure" (and way to anal rape your clients by charging twice as much for repairs as your competitor, Apple Store).

Three days Later:
Daniel: "Hey mom? For my birthday I was wondering if you could take me to Japan to see My Chemical Romance in Concert?"
Me: "Are you Freaking Kidding Me?" 

Side note: The computer is getting repaired but only because I use it too and Daniel needs it for school. The iPod and concert tickets in Japan? Unless he becomes the next Jonas Brother or gets his own Disney show, my dear son Daniel, is "S.O.L."

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