Monday, July 21, 2008

An Open Letter to our Dads


Dear Dad:
You finally got on the Internet, that's great. Thanks so much for the email you forwarded me on the worsening economy. I am always thrilled to receive new information about the declining US dollar and the 30% foreclosure rate in my little corner of the world. Nothing thrills me more than knowing that in 20 years the world will be run by Islamic countries and my kids will be struggling to buy a can of Pork and Beans. Oh and now that you've stopped sending the anti-Hillary messages, I am especially enjoying the barrage of Barack "Kill Whitey" Obama emails that pop up on a weekly basis. Reading passages from his book that were taken out of context so he sounds like Malcom X making a speech at a KKK rally always gives me a thrill. And the email about that "bitch" Jane Fonda's anti-Vietnam antics (you know, the one that has been circulating for the past 6 years) never gets old.

Don't worry Dad, you're not the only father on a quest to educate his daughter about the fascinating world of daily events. Parker can't take a trip without her dad sending her an email on the percentage of American Airlines on-time take offs flying out of DFW the day before and after her travel date. He also makes sure to send her weekly reminders about how successful her siblings have become - all destined to become CEO's of their respective companies, while poor Parker whiles away the hours, bringing in a measly mid six-figure income in sales.

Don't  get me wrong, Dad. I appreciate your knowledge more than you'll ever know. Since I'm not a regular reader of Fortune Magazine or  The Economist, please feel free to pass their latest expose my way. The occasional fat chick on a motorcycle picture is always a good time too.

Love, 
Your Daughters 


1 comment:

kwr221 said...

First of all, my Dad did the exact same thing.

After the zillionth email asking me to be on the lookout for a missing girl that he SWORE wasn't a hoax - because he got the email from my Mom's college-friend-who-knew-the-neighbors-who-knew-the-babysitter, blahblahblah...

Anyway, Yeah, Dad, that's why I got the SAME EMAIL when I lived in CT 10 years ago and it's also on Snopes.com.

I just deleted them all. Probably that's why I never knew what he was up to. I just couldn't open up any more emails that warned me that our nation is going to hell in a handbasket because we don't pray in school.

Anyway, you're both very funny, and after catching up with 6 weeks of your blog, I don't understand why you don't get any comments. Well, there was one.

Looking forward to more.