Sure, I'm a Pop Culture Junkie, but even the most die-hard junkies can get sick of the poppiest of the pop stories. So here (in no particular order) are some of the headlines that I am So Ovah!
- The Octomom: Maybe it's just because I live in Southern California, but there is practically a 24/7 Octomom watch going on here and I no longer give a rat's ass. As far as I'm concerned, Octomom can take her augmented lips, Dr. Phil money, new house paid for with exploited baby money, and her free nurses and live happily ever after in the clearance section at the La Habra, CA. Wal Mart. Those kids are going to look adorable in their Dora The Explorer/Diego flammable onsies.
- Chris Brown and Rihanna: Holy Sh*t, we get it. He's the modern day Ike Turner and she is about as smart as a box of rocks. Look, even Tina Turner and Oprah have warned this girl to stay clear of her man and she clearly is listening to no one, so let her go back and get yet another black eye until she figures out that he's a loser. In the meantime we need another Anna Nicole-like celebrity meltdown to distract from the Chris-Rhianna debacle. (By the way, I know that domestic abuse is not funny - because everyone from Anderson Cooper to Fran Drescher has mentioned it in the news about 400 times over the past month).
- The Shitty Economy and AIG's douchebag moves. By now we all know that the government has given AIG about a gazillion dollars, which they have squandered with company retreats and bonuses for their bonehead executives. Here's an idea, ask for the money back and let AIG go belly up - then we can move on to more important stories in the news, like who got kicked of Dancing with The Stars this week and Jessica Simpson's weight gain.
- Slutty girls on Reality Shows. Remember when the highlight of a slut's life was double teaming the high school football team? Today the modern-day Slut has a plethora of career options at her fingertips, including sleazy Streetwalker, Pole Dancer, Escort, and the Pièce de résistance a Reality Show. I swear to god, if I turn on one more reality show based on the plight of the whore, a throbbing herpe is going to jump off the screen and attack my face. I can't make it past channel 27 without coming across no less than 5 slutty competitions including such dandies as "Candy Girls" (a compelling, genius show that revolves around a group of Rap Video dancers), "Bad Girls Club" (self-explanatory - last week two of the "bad girls" had sex with random foreigners in Mexico but claimed it "didn't count" because they wore a condom - a great lesson for the youth of today) and the Mt. Everest of Whore Reality shows - the show that every Herpe Ho strives to be on: "Rock of Love". Look, everyone loves a trainwreck, but this has hit epidemic proportions (in so many ways) - let's send these trollops where they belong (back to the streets of Vegas) and pick on a new social leper, like drug addicts or compulsive shoplifters. Now that's a show I'd watch. For a month or two at least. -Val