Friday, March 6, 2009

Night Fever (Night Fever)



As a child I remember watching an episode of "Maude" in which Maude (played so femininely by Bea Arthur) was going through the change of life. Maude, in her huge polyester tunics bitched endlessly about  her "hot flashes" and I remember thinking, "That is so Gross. I'll never be like Maude."

Cut to yesterday where I found myself - dressed in a tunic (it was a black and white really cute Michael Kors linen tunic, but a tunic nonetheless) and the last several months where I have woken up almost every night covered in more sweat than if I'd run the NY Marathon. And when I say "sweat", I'm talking a River Runs Through the space between my breasts kind of sweat, the "Did I pee the bed?" kind of sweat - the kind of sweat that no straight, non-athletic women should ever have to endure.) My doctor says this is the result of peri-menopause, which is just a souped up name for You are turning into Maude. "But I'm only 39" I pleaded - I'm way too young for that. "Oh, this isn't menopause - this is pre-menopause, which can go on for years," she replied. (This is doctor code for "you'll still get raging PMS and mind-blowing cramps every month, but also get to enjoy the early stages of being an old geezer.") I'm thinking about opening a boutique called "The Tunic Tavern" and giving an automatic 15% discount to shoppers 39 and over.
-Val 

3 comments:

Jenn said...

Stop it. You're scaring the wee ones.

I have this irrational belief that by the time I get to that age, I wont have to deal with most of that, but the thing is, you had that thought too! So for the next several years, I'm going to live with that denial and hopefully it'll work out.

Jenn said...

I don't qualify for the discount yet but I'll shop there. And open the midwest branch too... : )

angelsroy33 said...

I SO know what you are going thru. I, too, am going thru 'peri-menopause', so says my dr. also. FOR THE LAST 3 TO 4 YEARS NOW! I'm 43 and I've been told that in the 'warmer climates' everything starts earlier. Are you kidding me??? Thats the best they can come up with!? It is completely humiliating to start to sweat like a river all over WHEN YOU ARE OUT AND AROUND PEOPLE! Trust me on this. I rather have night-sweats than what I seem to go thru. NOT FUN, and extremely embarassing!Thanks for letting me vent, and sorry, I'm glad someone understands what I'm going thru finally!(At least that I know of!)