Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Travis Strikes Again

Family of Chimp Victim Sues for $50M
Ok, if a chimp ate my hands and face, there's a good chance I'd sue too. But I've got a news flash for the Chimp Victim: Travis the flesh-hungry primate was not owned by Oprah Winfrey. Something tells me that a person who sleeps and watches tv with her pet chimp doesn't have an extra $50 mil lying around. Unless the faceless Chimp Victim is willing to take payment in the form of Charlie Rich albums and pet dander Afghans, I'm pretty sure that $50 million windfall is not going to come her way.  I hate to sound pessimistic, but until Clint Eastwood throws a "Chimp Victim Telethon", this lady isn't getting a dime. The good news is that, in lieu of an expensive face transplant, I'm sure she can pick up a Sarah Palin  Halloween mask on clearance at Wal Mart. I also hear that Inside Edition and RadarOnline pay handsomely .

Update: Last night Tom told me that he heard that the city was also being sued in this case. Obviously the family's attorney is using  that old legal Pythagorean theory which claims that since the the city knew a chimp lived in the house, then they are clearly at fault. Ok, I made up the Pythagorean theory, but seriously why should the city pay up when clearly the faceless lady also knew the chimp lived there? Maybe she should cut through the red tape and just sue herself?

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